Right Hand Man: The Oatmeal Incident -- FREE until Wednesday!

[webbdesigns]

Free until Wednesday! http://www.amazon.com/Right-Hand-Man...2468764&sr=1-1

Every Sherlock Holmes needs a Watson.
Every hit man needs an Alexander Cusard.

Introducing a gripping serial thriller detailing the exploits of a hit man and his partner.
Alexander Cusard serves as an assistant to one of the most prolific assassins in America, a man known only as The Executioner. At first, he is able to distance himself from his employer's grisly business, finding jobs for the killer and securing payment. However, unfortunate incidents line up that propel him from this life behind a desk to a morbid and moral-shattering involvement with his depraved employer. And he's beginning to like it.


In Part 1 of this anthology, The Oatmeal Incident, Alexander investigates a potential target: a housewife suspected of murdering her child. But when he makes one small mistake, his involvement quickly goes from a short email to a midnight phone call that will change his life forever.

[Cinisajoy]

An anthology is a group of stories in one volume, not one part of a story.

[webbdesigns]

Ah, thanks; poor syntax on my part. This is the first story of the collection, so I should rearrange the clauses. Thanks!

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by webbdesigns

Ah, thanks; poor syntax on my part. This is the first story of the collection, so I should rearrange the clauses. Thanks!

Syntax is the ordering and arrangement of words and phrases, and how they are related to one another to form coherency and meaning in language.

Your word use is incorrect, and does not involve clauses and syntax.

[webbdesigns]

Order of the phrases: "The Oatmeal Incident, Part 1 of the anthology." It's a change of order, therefore syntax. Anthology is correct, because this is part one of said anthology.

Guys, I accepted his correction with grace and thanks. You're ceasing to be helpful at this point.

[Cinisajoy]

No it is not an anthology. An anthology is a collection of different stories.
Ok now I am one of the few people here that will take the time to try out new authors.
Here is some helpful advice.
Your reviews look bought. Not only that but I noticed they are both from former jobs.
Also if someone doesn't like the company the reviewer worked for or that particular reviewer and it is the first thing the potential customer sees, you have just lost a sale.

You say it is part one of a book. How can I as a customer guarantee you will actually publish part two?
Is your book interesting enough for the customer to want to invest more money?

From your description, it sounds like I will just get a few chapters and will then have to buy more.
Or is it actually done like an actual serial where something is concluded but leaves you wanting more?

If you want to write this format of books, I highly suggest you look at Hugh Howey.
He is the reigning king of the serial novel in the science fiction genre.

[webbdesigns]

Bro, give it a rest. We talked about this in another thread: anthology is correctly used as it has two definitions. I wasn't even the one to point this out to you. Someone beat me to it.

My reviews are not bought; I asked people to give honest reviews and they did. Baseless accusations are unwelcome and quite rude.

On your one helpful thing that you said, you are right and I should edit the description to clarify that this is one complete story yet part of a larger plot. Thank you for pointing this out!

[Cinisajoy]

Hey go check out your other thread.
I did actually read your story.
I thought with your description you were sci-fi.
Turns out you are thrillers.
Do let me know when you get the collection together.
Wasn't accusing, was just saying how it could look.

[webbdesigns]

Thanks for taking a look!

Please let me know why you thought it was sci-fi, though. I need to fix that immediately if that's the case! I don't want to market to the wrong crowd.

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by webbdesigns

Thanks for taking a look!

Please let me know why you thought it was sci-fi, though. I need to fix that immediately if that's the case! I don't want to market to the wrong crowd.

Because there are very very very few serials in the thriller category.
That is misleading as heck.
Lose the Part one and anthology.
In this story would be much better and fit the reader's expectation.

You have a good idea, but your wording was off for the genre.
Oh, since we have now established that you are thrillers, mystery and suspense, have you read either Russell Blake's Jet or Black Series?
Jet is a thriller. Black is a private eye.

[webbdesigns]

Thanks! That definitely helps. I'll consider losing anthology. One thing I've been advised against changing and definitely want to keep is the explicit statement that this is the first part. Do you have any suggestions for alternatives?

I have checked out some of the Jet books, but never Black. Jet reminded more of Bourne than anything else (which is good--I love Bourne).

[Cinisajoy]

Well now here is the thing. I am going to ask was it thriller, suspense and mystery writers that recommended keeping the part one? If not ignore it because it does not fit in your genre.
Also some authors that give advice are like rats in a bucket. They will give you bad advice so hopefully they can climb a little higher or try too. I could tell you horror stories of things I have heard from some authors.

Little insider secret: mystery readers will read Part one as unsolved and not bother with your book.
If you want to keep the one due to the introduction, then put this is the first story in the continuing adventures of "The Right Hand Man."
That phrasing works much better.
Now see the thing is Mystery, Thriller and Suspense readers will read series but they avoid serials and episodes like the plague.
Your best bet when wanting to see how other good sellers are doing it is look at what the other big names in your genre are doing.
In your case, I would be looking at Russell Blake and Ryk Brown. They are both very big in your genre. Look at their books and their descriptions. You might also look into JA Konrath. He does police procedurals with Jack Daniels as a protagonist. Jude Hardin is another good one.
Oh heck, just look at Konrath and Blake's Kindle Worlds.

Now see what works for HM Ward won't work for Hugh Howey. What works for Hugh won't work for Russell Blake. And what works for Russell won't work for Holly or Hugh.

See readers are funny characters. What works in one genre might not work in another. Different expectations for different genres.

The big problem comes in where one author will say this always works. It works for them in their particular genre. It will not work for all.
Now the one man that has fabulous general advice is Russell Blake. His latest blog is great. And no he does not pay me to promote him.

Good luck and I hope you become the success I think you can.

[webbdesigns]

I agree about taking authors' advice with a grain of salt, but it wasn't an author that gave me this advice; it was my editor.

I like your suggestion also, about just saying it's the first part of the continuing adventures. My only qualm is that if people read the future installations out of order, it may get confusing due to the overarching plot. I would concur 100% in an instant if the larger story weren't so important to me. That's why this started out as a novel, but I was advised by too many people to break it up in a serialized fashion. I'll read around and see what's working, though.

[Cinisajoy]

Since you are MTS, try a full novel or slightly longer short stories.
Now as to your editor, is he/she previously with a big company or one you found on the internet.?
Side note: most editors are not marketing experts.
They are good at their job which is making a story readable.

[webbdesigns]

He's someone I know personally (still have to pay him though), but that is true.

What does MTS mean here?