Looking for help choosing experimental story to work on

Steven Lake · 05-31-2011, 02:57 PM

Hi again all. I'm back! (gawds have I been busy) Anyhow, while my current books gain some steam under them, I'm looking to work on some experimental stories and post them a chapter at a time in my blog for people to read, critique, and so on. The problem is, I have three really great stories (at least IMHO) I'd like to post, but I only have the space to post one of them. Well, I *could* post all three, but that'd be information overload. Thus I want to pick just one. Here's the overview of the 3 stories.

Whalandria
This story is a mixture of high seas action mingled with some fantasy and sci-fi. It tells the story of a group of colonists who came from outer space and landed on the world of Whalandria. It's called that because it's a gigantic water world (98% of the surface is water) populated by gigantic whale like creatures called "Whale Ships". They are sentient creatures who sail through the water like little floating islands.

The colonists end up creating a relationship with these whale ships and they soon build their society on the backs of these monstrous, island sized animals. This is because the whale ships always float close to the surface allowing islands to be formed on their backs where animals, trees, and other things grow. The ships come in various sizes and also include large submersible Sting Ray like ships, massive turtles (who also have islands on their backs), pirates who ride on gigantic shark islands, and so on.

The story is told through the eyes of Elizabeth, daughter of the captain of a whale ship, and includes her family, her sister, and her pet birds Nigel and Grace, both of whom are sentient, and can speak, which adds another interesting twist to the story.

Warbirds
Warbirds tells the tale of a planet where the animals are sentient and can talk/reason for themselves. Yes, this might sound cliche, but it's not. The story actually touches on a lot of modern day social issues and puts them into a rather fun and interesting parable of sorts. Some of the things touched on is the balance between the natural world and technology, the belief in "superior" vs "inferior" life forms and races (and the consequences this causes), the consequences of science gone too far, the idea of sworn enemies working together as friends, and much more. There's even lots of humor involved in the book, as well as some interesting character types you will enjoy, and it's all told through the eyes of the animals.

The main character in the book is a sparrow hawk named Tails. He, like all the other animals on this planet, are genetically altered animals from Earth whose ancestors were brought to this world, experimented on, changed, manipulated, enhanced, etc and then let loose into the wild when the humans were forced to flee back to their world due to an as yet undecided reason. But when they left, they just dropped everything, packed up, and left, leaving behind their technology, their buildings, and more.

The animals then took and improved on what their creators had left behind. So there's a lot of stuff that happens out in the wild between animals, and a large amount of sci-fi stuff as well, such as the MEPs vs the Naturals. MEPS are genetically and cyberneticly enhanced animals that prey on the "inferior" (well, they treat them as inferior) naturals who have a more naturalistic view of technology, instead of an all encompassing one as the MEPs do. The core of the story focuses around the struggle for survival by the naturals vs the fight for superiority by the MEPs.

Empire
Empire is a very dark book that focuses around a secretive organization called "Empire" who holds power by altering the truth and history while holding power with an iron fist. Taros, the book's main character, is a simple merchant tradesman who lives a normal, boring life moving cargo from one side of the galaxy to another. That is, until Empire discovers he's the one the prophesy talks about who will destroy them and bring freedom and truth to the galaxy.

The story then goes into his attempts at first surviving, with the help of his trusty robotic friend Menos, and then later striking out against Empire in an effort to first free Earth, and then the entire galaxy from the power of Empire. If you want an analogy, think 1984 meets Star Wars meets Lost in Space. That's probably not a totally accurate comparison, but it's the best I can come up with.
=======================

Ok, that's the general overview of the three stories. Which would you like to see? Also, is any of you willing to make input into the stories and give your 2c on the writing as I post the chapters for the winning story in the future? It's primarily why I'm doing this, to further improve myself so that my next book series is even better than my last one. Thanks in advance guys! Oh, and PS, the story will be free for you to share if you like. Being an experimental story I don't plan to do anything with it, save for using it as writing practice. So you can do anything you want with it. Just don't steal it. Well, at least not without my permission. lol.

crich70 · 05-31-2011, 08:57 PM

All three sound like interesting ideas, but I'd go with Whalandria to start with. While it has some bits that sound similar to the Pern books (the relationship between humans and another species) it does sound like a rather colorful world. Warbirds sounds like it might be harder to pull off since you have to have characters who aren't human react in a self logical manner. And Empire sounds a lot like a variation on Star Wars. Not that it couldn't be done of course. There was a movie some yrs back called "Starchaser: the legend of Orin" which had some bits like Star Wars but which I thought was pretty good. (It was animated rather than live).

Steven Lake · 06-01-2011, 02:20 PM

Well, so far the voting is as follows:

Whalandria - 9
Warbirds - 9
Empire - 8

I'm hoping to get more feedback, as I'd like to get some good input and practice with this new series.

EDIT: Updated total 6-6-11
EDIT2: Updated total 6-8-11
EDIT3: Updated total 6-10-11

crich70 · 06-02-2011, 10:23 PM

As far as Whalandria what is the catalyst that makes the story? A natural disaster? Human greed? And how interconnected are the colonists? Are they in constant contact or are they scattered into small groups or clans? Do they even remember Earth anymore or is it a semi-mythical or legendary place that few believe in any more? Those are just a few of the things I'd suggest working on as they might suggest even more ideas for the setting.

MartinC · 06-03-2011, 03:29 PM

I'd go for Empire - I like dark. Warbirds sounds a bit like the Island of Dr Moreau meets Jungle Book, and Whalandria, from your description, may be a touch cute.

Steven Lake · 06-06-2011, 12:33 AM

Crich70: Let me work up a synopsis for you that's a little bit more detailed. Right now it's more or less just a collection of ideas and notes, but I haven't really coalesced it into a solid plotline yet because I wasn't sure if I was going to work on it right away.

VydorScope · 06-06-2011, 07:11 AM

Hmm

Whalandria you describe the world but not a plot, so hard to judge.

Warbirds sounds like it would be extremely difficult to do well because a horse should never sound like a monkey or a fish. You should be able to guess the animal by its desires and etc. Typically books that do the talking animal thing the animals are all basically humans with different skin.

Empire does sound Star Wars-ish, but if what you just wrote was the blurb on the back of the book, I would probably grab it to read, so that gets my vote.

Steven Lake · 06-06-2011, 04:24 PM

Vydorscope, you bring up a great point. That's why I'm hoping that I can take what I learned from my Earthfleet saga with all the animal species in there and expand on it with Warbirds, assuming that one is chosen.

But yes, you're right. Too many authors try to make the animals human and not animistic. I even see that on TV shows.

crich70 · 06-07-2011, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven Lake

Vydorscope, you bring up a great point. That's why I'm hoping that I can take what I learned from my Earthfleet saga with all the animal species in there and expand on it with Warbirds, assuming that one is chosen.

But yes, you're right. Too many authors try to make the animals human and not animistic. I even see that on TV shows.

I think part of that is that they try to hard to help their human readers/viewers relate to the characters. An animal wouldn't have the same motivation as a human for doing a given thing I don't think. For example a wolf would probably attack a threat first due to wanting to protect the pack and its own personal reason for attacking would be secondary.

VydorScope · 06-07-2011, 08:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crich70

I think part of that is that they try to hard to help their human readers/viewers relate to the characters. An animal wouldn't have the same motivation as a human for doing a given thing I don't think. For example a wolf would probably attack a threat first due to wanting to protect the pack and its own personal reason for attacking would be secondary.

I think the biggest problem is what we have no clue what the motivation IS, we can only guess by what we FEEL it should be. So I may feel that a certain animal should have certain motivations, you make think I am completely wrong... so our ideas of what an animal might [i[think[/i] could be different.

In general we probably have some culturally similar ideas if we are in the same culture, and probably based more on movies then reality, but I dunno how far that would go? I have never tried to write a animal personality so I dunno.

crich70 · 06-07-2011, 09:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VydorScope

I think the biggest problem is what we have no clue what the motivation IS, we can only guess by what we FEEL it should be. So I may feel that a certain animal should have certain motivations, you make think I am completely wrong... so our ideas of what an animal might [i[think[/i] could be different.

In general we probably have some culturally similar ideas if we are in the same culture, and probably based more on movies then reality, but I dunno how far that would go? I have never tried to write a animal personality so I dunno.

Neither have I actually. I agree that though cultures may have differences (like what a hand gesture may mean for example) at the root we are more alike than not. Animals are more instinctive than logical though I think. They appear to be able to tell when someone means them harm but in other ways they are different from us. They don't do things for greed for example like a human being might.

VydorScope · 06-07-2011, 09:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crich70

Neither have I actually. I agree that though cultures may have differences (like what a hand gesture may mean for example) at the root we are more alike than not. Animals are more instinctive than logical though I think. They appear to be able to tell when someone means them harm but in other ways they are different from us. They don't do things for greed for example like a human being might.

I think there are a few views on that in culture. Some will describe human like emotion to them "My dog did that because he loves me," some will give them a robot like trainable reflex "My dog does that because I trained him" And some will give them personality "My dog does that because he likes to" (most probably mix and match)

As for your specific comment about greed... Most training takes advantage of the pets greed for treats, or instinct for food? How would you know?

Steven Lake · 06-08-2011, 10:00 AM

Yeah, determining what are instincts, and what are personality traits when it comes to animals is difficult. There's also the rule of relatability. The more a person can relate to the character, no matter how foreign they are, the more they'll connect with them. I think that's why a lot of authors have taken the easy way out and given very human personality traits to an animal. We even do it in real life, just like what VydorScope said. We can't connect with their animal traits and tendencies, so we apply human ones in their place.

Another great example of this is with ships. We call them "he" or more commonly "she" and attribute human traits of love, hate, irritability and more onto a vessel that has no will or life of its own. So there's a careful balance that must be struck between authenticity and relatability, and most lean more towards the latter as it is by far the easier way to go. Even I agree with that.

Now, one way that I did learn to get around this dilemma was to use body language to express some of the character's personality, motivations, and more while keeping them somewhat relatable. For example, I used the ears, eyes and whiskers of the feline races in my books as emotional and mental cues for the characters, as that's how we relate to our own cats. We don't know what they're thinking, but we can draw a number of conclusions simply by watching their body language.

crich70 · 06-10-2011, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steven Lake

Yeah, determining what are instincts, and what are personality traits when it comes to animals is difficult. There's also the rule of relatability. The more a person can relate to the character, no matter how foreign they are, the more they'll connect with them. I think that's why a lot of authors have taken the easy way out and given very human personality traits to an animal. We even do it in real life, just like what VydorScope said. We can't connect with their animal traits and tendencies, so we apply human ones in their place.

Another great example of this is with ships. We call them "he" or more commonly "she" and attribute human traits of love, hate, irritability and more onto a vessel that has no will or life of its own. So there's a careful balance that must be struck between authenticity and relatability, and most lean more towards the latter as it is by far the easier way to go. Even I agree with that.

Now, one way that I did learn to get around this dilemma was to use body language to express some of the character's personality, motivations, and more while keeping them somewhat relatable. For example, I used the ears, eyes and whiskers of the feline races in my books as emotional and mental cues for the characters, as that's how we relate to our own cats. We don't know what they're thinking, but we can draw a number of conclusions simply by watching their body language.

Yep we tend to anthropamorphize (I think that's the word) animals. That tendency goes back as far as Aesop at the very least. The cunning fox, the noble lion, the greedy crow, etc. I don't doubt some things do transcend differences between species here on Earth though how far some things are really universal is anyone's guess.

Steven Lake · 06-10-2011, 09:56 PM

Exactly. Also, I'm still going to post those teasers and rough summaries for the three books here very soon that I said I would. I've just been crazy slammed the last week, and today was no better, what with my server being FUBAR all day long. (*I hate when raid arrays die and don't tell you until it's too late*) So once I get some freetime again to pound those out I'll write them up and post them here and in my blog for you guys to peruse and decide which one will be the winner.

05-31-2011, 02:57 PM	#1
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Looking for help choosing experimental story to work on Hi again all. I'm back! (gawds have I been busy) Anyhow, while my current books gain some steam under them, I'm looking to work on some experimental stories and post them a chapter at a time in my blog for people to read, critique, and so on. The problem is, I have three really great stories (at least IMHO) I'd like to post, but I only have the space to post one of them. Well, I could post all three, but that'd be information overload. Thus I want to pick just one. Here's the overview of the 3 stories. Whalandria This story is a mixture of high seas action mingled with some fantasy and sci-fi. It tells the story of a group of colonists who came from outer space and landed on the world of Whalandria. It's called that because it's a gigantic water world (98% of the surface is water) populated by gigantic whale like creatures called "Whale Ships". They are sentient creatures who sail through the water like little floating islands. The colonists end up creating a relationship with these whale ships and they soon build their society on the backs of these monstrous, island sized animals. This is because the whale ships always float close to the surface allowing islands to be formed on their backs where animals, trees, and other things grow. The ships come in various sizes and also include large submersible Sting Ray like ships, massive turtles (who also have islands on their backs), pirates who ride on gigantic shark islands, and so on. The story is told through the eyes of Elizabeth, daughter of the captain of a whale ship, and includes her family, her sister, and her pet birds Nigel and Grace, both of whom are sentient, and can speak, which adds another interesting twist to the story. Warbirds Warbirds tells the tale of a planet where the animals are sentient and can talk/reason for themselves. Yes, this might sound cliche, but it's not. The story actually touches on a lot of modern day social issues and puts them into a rather fun and interesting parable of sorts. Some of the things touched on is the balance between the natural world and technology, the belief in "superior" vs "inferior" life forms and races (and the consequences this causes), the consequences of science gone too far, the idea of sworn enemies working together as friends, and much more. There's even lots of humor involved in the book, as well as some interesting character types you will enjoy, and it's all told through the eyes of the animals. The main character in the book is a sparrow hawk named Tails. He, like all the other animals on this planet, are genetically altered animals from Earth whose ancestors were brought to this world, experimented on, changed, manipulated, enhanced, etc and then let loose into the wild when the humans were forced to flee back to their world due to an as yet undecided reason. But when they left, they just dropped everything, packed up, and left, leaving behind their technology, their buildings, and more. The animals then took and improved on what their creators had left behind. So there's a lot of stuff that happens out in the wild between animals, and a large amount of sci-fi stuff as well, such as the MEPs vs the Naturals. MEPS are genetically and cyberneticly enhanced animals that prey on the "inferior" (well, they treat them as inferior) naturals who have a more naturalistic view of technology, instead of an all encompassing one as the MEPs do. The core of the story focuses around the struggle for survival by the naturals vs the fight for superiority by the MEPs. Empire Empire is a very dark book that focuses around a secretive organization called "Empire" who holds power by altering the truth and history while holding power with an iron fist. Taros, the book's main character, is a simple merchant tradesman who lives a normal, boring life moving cargo from one side of the galaxy to another. That is, until Empire discovers he's the one the prophesy talks about who will destroy them and bring freedom and truth to the galaxy. The story then goes into his attempts at first surviving, with the help of his trusty robotic friend Menos, and then later striking out against Empire in an effort to first free Earth, and then the entire galaxy from the power of Empire. If you want an analogy, think 1984 meets Star Wars meets Lost in Space. That's probably not a totally accurate comparison, but it's the best I can come up with. ======================= Ok, that's the general overview of the three stories. Which would you like to see? Also, is any of you willing to make input into the stories and give your 2c on the writing as I post the chapters for the winning story in the future? It's primarily why I'm doing this, to further improve myself so that my next book series is even better than my last one. Thanks in advance guys! Oh, and PS, the story will be free for you to share if you like. Being an experimental story I don't plan to do anything with it, save for using it as writing practice. So you can do anything you want with it. Just don't steal it. Well, at least not without my permission. lol.

06-01-2011, 02:20 PM	#3
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Well, so far the voting is as follows: Whalandria - 9 Warbirds - 9 Empire - 8 I'm hoping to get more feedback, as I'd like to get some good input and practice with this new series. EDIT: Updated total 6-6-11 EDIT2: Updated total 6-8-11 EDIT3: Updated total 6-10-11 Last edited by Steven Lake; 06-10-2011 at 09:57 PM.

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
Experimental	20LEgend	Amazon Kindle	15	02-19-2011 05:40 PM
Experimental FBReader v0.12.10 port	Iñigo	iRex Developer's Corner	25	12-11-2010 10:25 AM
new kindle update 1.2, changes to Experimental	huari	Amazon Kindle	2	02-16-2009 10:16 AM
Alcott, Louisa May: Work: A Story of Experience vers.01, Jan. 03 '08	Starfish	BBeB/LRF Books	1	01-26-2008 08:37 AM
Simple guide to choosing a Creative Commons license for your work	Bob Russell	News	0	12-26-2006 11:10 AM

05-31-2011, 08:57 PM	#2
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	All three sound like interesting ideas, but I'd go with Whalandria to start with. While it has some bits that sound similar to the Pern books (the relationship between humans and another species) it does sound like a rather colorful world. Warbirds sounds like it might be harder to pull off since you have to have characters who aren't human react in a self logical manner. And Empire sounds a lot like a variation on Star Wars. Not that it couldn't be done of course. There was a movie some yrs back called "Starchaser: the legend of Orin" which had some bits like Star Wars but which I thought was pretty good. (It was animated rather than live).

06-02-2011, 10:23 PM	#4
crich70 Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,310 Karma: 43993832 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Monroe Wisconsin Device: K3, Kindle Paperwhite, Calibre, and Mobipocket for Pc (netbook)	As far as Whalandria what is the catalyst that makes the story? A natural disaster? Human greed? And how interconnected are the colonists? Are they in constant contact or are they scattered into small groups or clans? Do they even remember Earth anymore or is it a semi-mythical or legendary place that few believe in any more? Those are just a few of the things I'd suggest working on as they might suggest even more ideas for the setting.

06-03-2011, 03:29 PM	#5
MartinC Hanger on Posts: 148 Karma: 1355233 Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Dorset, UK Device: Kindle 3, Galaxy S, Sony PRS-505, Sony tablet	I'd go for Empire - I like dark. Warbirds sounds a bit like the Island of Dr Moreau meets Jungle Book, and Whalandria, from your description, may be a touch cute.

06-06-2011, 12:33 AM	#6
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Crich70: Let me work up a synopsis for you that's a little bit more detailed. Right now it's more or less just a collection of ideas and notes, but I haven't really coalesced it into a solid plotline yet because I wasn't sure if I was going to work on it right away.

06-06-2011, 07:11 AM	#7
VydorScope Wizard Posts: 3,418 Karma: 35207650 Join Date: Jun 2011 Device: iPad	Hmm Whalandria you describe the world but not a plot, so hard to judge. Warbirds sounds like it would be extremely difficult to do well because a horse should never sound like a monkey or a fish. You should be able to guess the animal by its desires and etc. Typically books that do the talking animal thing the animals are all basically humans with different skin. Empire does sound Star Wars-ish, but if what you just wrote was the blurb on the back of the book, I would probably grab it to read, so that gets my vote.

06-06-2011, 04:24 PM	#8
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Vydorscope, you bring up a great point. That's why I'm hoping that I can take what I learned from my Earthfleet saga with all the animal species in there and expand on it with Warbirds, assuming that one is chosen. But yes, you're right. Too many authors try to make the animals human and not animistic. I even see that on TV shows.

06-08-2011, 10:00 AM	#13
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Yeah, determining what are instincts, and what are personality traits when it comes to animals is difficult. There's also the rule of relatability. The more a person can relate to the character, no matter how foreign they are, the more they'll connect with them. I think that's why a lot of authors have taken the easy way out and given very human personality traits to an animal. We even do it in real life, just like what VydorScope said. We can't connect with their animal traits and tendencies, so we apply human ones in their place. Another great example of this is with ships. We call them "he" or more commonly "she" and attribute human traits of love, hate, irritability and more onto a vessel that has no will or life of its own. So there's a careful balance that must be struck between authenticity and relatability, and most lean more towards the latter as it is by far the easier way to go. Even I agree with that. Now, one way that I did learn to get around this dilemma was to use body language to express some of the character's personality, motivations, and more while keeping them somewhat relatable. For example, I used the ears, eyes and whiskers of the feline races in my books as emotional and mental cues for the characters, as that's how we relate to our own cats. We don't know what they're thinking, but we can draw a number of conclusions simply by watching their body language.

06-10-2011, 09:56 PM	#15
Steven Lake Sci-Fi Author Posts: 1,158 Karma: 14743509 Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Michigan Device: PC (Calibre)	Exactly. Also, I'm still going to post those teasers and rough summaries for the three books here very soon that I said I would. I've just been crazy slammed the last week, and today was no better, what with my server being FUBAR all day long. (I hate when raid arrays die and don't tell you until it's too late) So once I get some freetime again to pound those out I'll write them up and post them here and in my blog for you guys to peruse and decide which one will be the winner.

Advert

Advert