Need an apartment?

[lilac_jive]

This one was posted on craigslist:

Date: 2008-12-19, 6:05PM PST

I am a born again Christian. Why is this a problem for people????! I have a house that's MINE and I PAID FOR IT. I also have a basement apartment for rent. It's a great space [and] I'm charging very little for it, $480 monthly, for the right tenant. I know it's ILLEGAL to require a Christian in the apartment, against the human rights. That's why I NEVER put this in my ad. Why then does it keep getting taken down?

HERE IS THE AD I POSTED, AND THE AD THAT KEEPS GETTING REMOVED:

Available Immediately – Broadway and Commercial – Showing Saturday and Sunday – Email for directions and additional information.

What kind of apartment is it?

One bedroom basement apartment with separate entrance
Tastefully decorated with modern décor
Approximately 650 square feet
There is even a window! Security bars installed for your safety and to prevent unauthorized activity
Closed circuit camera installed for security and safety. One in your suite, one at the entrance, and one in the exercise yard

Rent:

$480.00 per month
First month’s rent + ½ month security deposit due at move in
Small pet allowed with approval and payment of additional ½ month pet damage deposit
One year lease permitted, option to renew lease at end of the term with no increase in rent
LANDLORD’S SPECIAL! Move in before January 1st and don’t pay for the remainder of December! That’s significant savings.

Included in the rent:

Electricity
Heat – Maintained at 21 degrees with lock box to prevent unauthorized tampering. Additional heating available for $20.00 per extra degree of heating per month. You may not use your oven to heat the apartment. If you do, you will be fined $50.00 per occurrence.
Air conditioning – Maintained at 25 degrees during the summer with lock box to prevent extra cooling from being dispensed. Additional cooling for sale for $20.00 per degree of cooling requested per month.
25" Zenith color television set with basic cable service - INCLUDED IN RENT!
Wireless internet (with content filter applied to block forbidden/immoral websites) - INCLUDED IN RENT!
Provision of coin laundry services - You will have your own personal coin laundry washer and dryer machines. Washers and dryers are paid using a token system. Tokens can be purchased through the landlord. Washer tokens cost $4.15 each and dryer tokens cost $3.60 each. You are not allowed to use foreign currency or slugs in the washer and dryer. Violators will be fined $100.00 per infraction.

About us: (Landlords)
We are conservative, bible believing, God-fearing, born again, evangelical Christians. We interpret the bible literally in every way possible. We live a strict moral code and observe God’s laws in our everyday life. My wife stays at home and teaches our home-schooled children. I work as a pastor at a local congregation and am active in the faith community.

About you: (Tenant)

You are employed
You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
You do not have any criminal history
You must have excellent character references
You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.

Additional Rules/Conditions:

CLEANLINESS: You are responsible for the cleanliness and orderliness of your apartment. Beds are to be made before leaving your suite, countertops must be wiped down, and you must remove all trash. Upon inspection, if the tenant's basement suite is not clean, the cost of cleaning services plus a fine of $100.00 will be levied.

LIGHTS: The lights in your basement suite and in the day room are not to be tampered with. If a light needs repair, report the condition to the Landlord.

WAKE-UP: Wake up will be at 5:30am each morning. All ceiling lights in the suite will be turned on automatically.

LIGHTS OUT: Ceiling lights in the suite will be turned off at 11:30pm.

CONTRABAND: The following items are considered contraband – alcohol, illegal drugs, tobacco, weapons, lock picking equipment. If any contraband is discovered to be in your possession, you will be subject to a minimum $1,000.00 fine. In addition, your items will be confiscated permanently. Second offense – you will be evicted without notice. A bailiff will escort you and your belongings off the premises. Your security deposit will not be returned.

SMOKING: The basement suite is non-smoking. Anyone in possession of tobacco products of any kind or any lighter or matches, will have their contraband items confiscated and will be fined $100.00.

INSPECTIONS: The Landlord will conduct unannounced inspections to ensure that these rules and regulations are being followed.

VISITATION: Visitation periods will be on Saturdays and Sundays from 1:00 p.m. until 3:00 p.m. All visitors and their vehicles are subject to search while on landlord property. Refusal to allow a search can result in their being barred from all future visitation privileges. All visitors must sign the Visitor's Log. Unauthorized visitors will be escorted from the property, and the tenant will be fined $250.00.

I.D. BRACELETS: Each tenant will be issued an I.D. bracelet with his/her photograph. It must be worn at all times. If you lose your I.D. bracelet or it is broken, you will be required to purchase a new one at the nominal cost of $5.00.

EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.

* Location: Broadway and Commercial
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Part of me thinks this has to be a joke, but for some reason I get this feeling it is too crazy to be a joke.

[desertgrandma]

Heres the thing. It THEIR property, they own it and as far as I am concerned can rent to whomever they choose, for whatever reason, with whatever rules.

Now, that being said, why would anyone put themselves in a place like that unless they have like interests?

If so, good for them. If not, keep on looking.

[zelda_pinwheel]

tell me that's a joke.

wow, my worst psychotic roommate story EVER doesn't even come close to that !

[desertgrandma]

And just think, they could be more than one, if the add is successful in finding a 'match'..........

[desertgrandma]

After re-reading the ad, I'm really curious as to what denomination these people belong to, and I feel really sorry for their kids...

[llasram]

Originally Posted by zelda_pinwheel

wow, my worst psychotic roommate story EVER doesn't even come close to that !

Ok, I'll bite -- what is your worst psychotic roommate story?

[Nate the great]

Ewe, psychotic roommate stories. Here's one:

My first room mate was an annoying drunk as well as being an Olympic class slob. I remember coming back from a trip to a living room that I literally could not walk across. The floor was covered from wall to wall in empty takeout containers. This roommate is also why I never drink.

[lilac_jive]

Mine's not that exciting: my roomate and I got in a fight and she split the room in half. Except for the bunkbeds, that was too hard.

In her defense, she was all upset that nothing in the room was really hers (I had brought a lot of stuff because my previous roomate didn't have much) so I got mad and took the cable box from the TV and spent the night at a friends house.

I moved out right after that (was a dorm and my college wasn't that far from my parents).

[desertgrandma]

Originally Posted by lilac_jive

Mine's not that exciting: my roomate and I got in a fight and she split the room in half. Except for the bunkbeds, that was too hard.

In her defense, she was all upset that nothing in the room was really hers (I had brought a lot of stuff because my previous roomate didn't have much) so I got mad and took the cable box from the TV and spent the night at a friends house.

I moved out right after that (was a dorm and my college wasn't that far from my parents).

Okay, that was just cold!!!

[lilac_jive]

Originally Posted by desertgrandma

Okay, that was just cold!!!

Well she did specifically complain about the TV, which was crazy odd because I got us hooked up with digital cable when everyone else couldn't have it.

[montsnmags]

You are employed
You do not participate in lascivious deviant sexual behavior
You do not choose alternative lifestyles as your lifestyle
You do not have any criminal history
You must have excellent character references
You do not smoke, drink or take drugs. Mandatory drug screening required.

Well, that rules me out (I can't get any "excellent character references")

Originally Posted by Nate the great

...
This roommate is also why I never drink.

It's true. I once offered Nate a drink at one of my Parties, and he punched me in the neck (well, when I say "offered", I mean I got my goons to hold him down while I tried to force a funnel between his teeth to pour in a whole flagon of concentrated Zany Carter mix. The fit and feisty chap sure knows his Jackie Chan moves, I'll give him that!)

Cheers,
Marc

[slayda]

EXERCISE YARD: The tenant will have access to the exercise yard in the area to the back of the property for 2 hours per day from 4:00 pm to 6:00 pm. The tenant is not allowed to bring any personal property to the exercise yard. Once the tenant leaves the exercise yard on a particular day, he or she may not return. No boisterous behavior is allowed in the exercise yard. There is no smoking allowed in the exercise yard. Minimum fine for exercise yard infractions is $50.00.

I would consider a person's clothes to be "personal property". I wonder what they would think when the tenant showed up in the exercise yard naked.

[Stanart]

This is the exact description of a jail or penitentiary. It's a joke.

[Andybaby]

it has to be a joke.... it better be..

lol no friends except 2 hours during the weekend.

[Sweetpea]

Originally Posted by Stanart

This is the exact description of a jail or penitentiary. It's a joke.

Almost, but not completely:

You do not have any criminal history

I think the jails would be empty if they had that condition