Fool Me Twice : FREE until Friday

[TheeThee]

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http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01...=1&*entries*=0



Kevin was wearing his favorite white polo shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest. He held the finest bottle of Chateau Lafite that had ever been distilled. He’d even worn his golden chain for seductive emphasis. Such decided charm had fooled her once.
She fiddled with the stationary for their roof “private wine tasting” invitation that had probably cost more than an economy car. Luxury, love, and their entire life. Had all of it been deception?
“Mm, is this some kind of apology?” Mary twisted her lip into a teasing smile. She’d have to continue the role of gullible lover until the bitter end when he thought that she’d totally succumbed to the drug. Kevin would have no idea that Ben had procured an antidote for the same poison he’d provided him with. It was an injection, the needle for which was hidden carefully in her ring. All she’d have to do was stick herself with it before the drinking began and play the part.
“Yes, it was a totally douche bag thing to do. To leave you when you were obviously in so much trouble. I just mentally blanked. I couldn’t handle it. The sight of you…shattered.” His voice was still so tender like all those years before he’d fallen from grace. One of them would fall from grace all over again tonight. Los Angeles would have a front row seat to their desolation.
“Not quite. I’m not shattered yet.” She winced at how cryptic her words sounded.
It was easy to play the part of longing lover when one is still in love, no matter how destructive that could be. They drank until their eyes were sore and kissed passionately like they had done in their youth. She stuck herself with the needle more than once, her stomach turning from his poison.
It was easy to feign a failed pulse when the thought of killing your one true love was actualized. The moment had come for her execution. She laid exhausted and dazed part from the emotional heaviness of their last affections and partially from the effects of the two contending drugs in her blood stream.
Smiling with vindication, Kevin lifted Mary up and drug her to the guard rail. He ran her fingers meticulously over the rail to make it appear that she had tentatively touched it in desperate mental grasping for recourse.

[davidfor]

Originally Posted by TheeThee

Kevin was wearing his favorite white polo shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest.

You started to lose me with this image.

He’d even worn his golden chain for seductive emphasis.

And you would have lost me with this image.

He held the finest bottle of Chateau Lafite that had ever been distilled.

But, you had already lost me here. It's wine. It is not distilled. With such a basic mistake, the only reason I'd read further would be to count the number of mistakes. It's that looking at a car-crash effect.

[Cinisajoy]

He lost me with the book excerpt.