Blurb needed for Flash Fiction - THE BELLY BUTTON COLLECTOR

[Dr. Drib]

Blurb needed for Flash Fiction, “The Belly Button Collector." The story will be less than 1000 words.

Here’s what I have so far:

He’s just an average Joe, although his name is Fred.

An unassuming paper-clip maker by day, at night he likes to collect belly buttons from his unsuspecting donors.

While reading an article in Playboy at the beach, “Agency Participation in Reader-Response Theory: How the Tutti-Frutti Twins Can Double Your Flavor,” Fred observes a young woman rubbing suntan lotion on her belly button. Completely forgetting his article, he reaches an epiphany (or something similar) and decides to collect belly buttons when not making paper-clips.

“I did it?” he says doubtfully, as he observes 30 belly buttons hanging and swaying from the ceiling like a children's carosel.

I’m having trouble with this sentence:

“I did it?”

Here are my choices:

1) I did it?
2) It I did?
3) Did it I?
4) It did I?
5) I it did?
6) Did I it?

After you help me with the blurb, you can help me write it.

After all, you’re doing all the work! *



*With loving appreciation toward Gregg.

[Cinisajoy]

"I finally did it." Said Fred joyfully.

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Cinisajoy

"I finally did it." Said Fred joyfully.

But is he joyful, sincere, sad, delirious - or what?

I'm afraid your suggestion has subtly changed the meaning of OUR story.

[Cinisajoy]

He is sincerely joyful, and delirious that someone is sad over losing their belly button.

[cromag]

None of the above. I tried (desperately) to work "innie" and/or "outie" into a blurb, and finally gave up. (But, you owe me!)


I'm thinking: "These are mine!"

Or possibly: "These are mine?"

[Cinisajoy]

Originally Posted by cromag

None of the above. I tried (desperately) to work "innie" and/or "outie" into a blurb, and finally gave up. (But, you owe me!)


I'm thinking: "These are mine!"

Or possibly: "These are mine?"

He was sad because his innie turned into an outie then back to an innie.

[Gregg Bell]

Originally Posted by Dr. Drib

*With loving appreciation toward Gregg.

Oh lovely. Thanks!

Okay, here's my suggestion.

"I did it!" he says doubtfully. "I finally checked myself into a mental institution."

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by Gregg Bell

Oh lovely. Thanks!

Okay, here's my suggestion.

"I did it!" he says doubtfully. "I finally checked myself into a mental institution."

You want OUR story's blurb to give away the ending!??!!

[Cinisajoy]

Oh no, the story focuses on how he uses the belly buttons to escape from the mental institution.

[cromag]

I thought it was a navel research institution.

[gmw]

Hmm... I think I'd go for:

"I did this?" he says doubtfully.

But I have a question: How long should a blurb be for a 1000 word story? And do they count toward the 1000 words? I mean, you are already at 10% - that's like a full Amazon preview!

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by cromag

I thought it was a navel research institution.

All right, people, get ready for a navel search - if you know what I mean!

[Dr. Drib]

Originally Posted by gmw

Hmm... I think I'd go for:

"I did this?" he says doubtfully.

But I have a question: How long should a blurb be for a 1000 word story? And do they count toward the 1000 words? I mean, you are already at 10% - that's like a full Amazon preview!

Seriously, there are no rules for a blurb for any length of fiction.

Ok, enough seriousness, already! My head's starting to hurt!

I would think no more than 3 words would be long enough for a blurb.

[Dr. Drib]

I'm having trouble with this sentence:


1) Here, have some bananas, King Kong, you big old alpha male bloke.

2) Here, King Kong, you big old alpha male bloke. Have some bananas.

3) Shove these bananas up your arse, King Kong, you misbegotten alpha male bloke!


I'm really undecided.

I thought about asking Gregg, but he still has 10,879 sentences that need critiqued, so I know there's no help coming from him.

Any advice, or help, would be appreciated.

Any help or advice, would be appreciated.

I would appreciate any help or advice.


Thanks,
Captain Brigadier (Frigidaire) Rolf, the First

[gmw]

King Kong, you big old alpha male bloke. Here, have some bananas.
King Kong - you big old alpha male bloke - here, have some bananas.

And I'm wondering about all those adjectives. Should there be commas? You big, old, alpha, male, bloke. (There's a rule about when such adjectives do not require commas that I can't bring to mind right now - anyone else remember it?) Or, indeed, whether it should be "alpha-male" rather than "alpha male" or "alpha, male" in this context? Then there's the question of whether the tautology of "male bloke" is acceptable? I'd be inclined to use "you misbegotten alpha male ape".

There, doesn't that help just soooo much?!

First Officer in Charge of Confusion.