Too grim for kids (or for that matter, anybody)

BeccaPrice · 10-21-2013, 07:09 PM

I'm debating putting the story posted here as the last story in a collection of fairy tales aimed at 7-10 year old or slightly older kids. Most of the stories are "issue" stories, stories designed not for bedtime but as thought-provokers. (well, one or two are standard fairy tales, but they're darker than what I usually write, which is how this collection came to be - it's all the stories that weren't appropriate for another collection)

Most of my beta readers have told me that it doesn't belong, because it's too grim, too depressing, or just too much for that age group.

comments here or at the blog, please - I'm not using this as click-bait, but it's the easiest way I could distribute the story - it's very short, maybe 750 words or so.

If I do include it, I may put a line in the blurb that this particular story may not be appropriate for all children.

so - should I include it or not?

crich70 · 10-24-2013, 01:47 AM

I think it reads fine. Not really grim at all though this part seems a litle rough.

Quote:

One day, there was a beautiful singing. It was the sirens, mermaids who some say lure sailors to their deaths with their songs.

maybe something like:

Quote:

Into the lives of the fish one day came the beautiful sound of someone singing. It was the song of the sirens, mermaids who some say lure sailors to their deaths with their singing.

Just a suggestion of course. Feel free to use it or not as you wish.

HarryT · 10-24-2013, 03:47 AM

It's worth noting in passing that in classical mythology the Sirens (which should be capitalised - it's a proper noun) were not mermaids; they were generally portrayed as a combination of a woman and a bird - see:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siren

BeccaPrice · 10-24-2013, 10:12 AM

I've also seen them portrayed as mermaids by the less classically inclined. And, since really the Sirens are secondary to the plot (a metaphor, actually), I decided that keeping the fishy-feeling was more important that strict accuracy.

ETA: maybe I'll just omit the word "mermaid" and if I cap Siren, it won't matter whether it's birds or fish that's their body.

pendragginp · 10-24-2013, 02:02 PM

I think, Becca, that it's too old for seven-year olds; I don't think they would understand it. I think it's a better fit for children ten to eleven. I like the story though, and I don't think it's too grim for the older kids.

BeccaPrice · 10-24-2013, 02:03 PM

I think in the blurb for this collection, I'm going to put a note that Sirens' Song may not be appropriate for all children.

HarryT · 10-24-2013, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeccaPrice

I've
ETA: maybe I'll just omit the word "mermaid" and if I cap Siren, it won't matter whether it's birds or fish that's their body.

Good choice

. I know this is a children's story, but it can be educational, too.

I like the story, BTW.

BeccaPrice · 10-24-2013, 03:05 PM

Thanks, Harry.

10-21-2013, 07:09 PM	#1
BeccaPrice Wizard Posts: 2,146 Karma: 11174187 Join Date: Jan 2011 Device: Sony 350, K3-3G, K4SO, KPW	Too grim for kids (or for that matter, anybody) I'm debating putting the story posted here as the last story in a collection of fairy tales aimed at 7-10 year old or slightly older kids. Most of the stories are "issue" stories, stories designed not for bedtime but as thought-provokers. (well, one or two are standard fairy tales, but they're darker than what I usually write, which is how this collection came to be - it's all the stories that weren't appropriate for another collection) Most of my beta readers have told me that it doesn't belong, because it's too grim, too depressing, or just too much for that age group. comments here or at the blog, please - I'm not using this as click-bait, but it's the easiest way I could distribute the story - it's very short, maybe 750 words or so. If I do include it, I may put a line in the blurb that this particular story may not be appropriate for all children. so - should I include it or not?

10-24-2013, 10:12 AM	#4
BeccaPrice Wizard Posts: 2,146 Karma: 11174187 Join Date: Jan 2011 Device: Sony 350, K3-3G, K4SO, KPW	I've also seen them portrayed as mermaids by the less classically inclined. And, since really the Sirens are secondary to the plot (a metaphor, actually), I decided that keeping the fishy-feeling was more important that strict accuracy. ETA: maybe I'll just omit the word "mermaid" and if I cap Siren, it won't matter whether it's birds or fish that's their body. Last edited by BeccaPrice; 10-24-2013 at 10:14 AM. Reason: second thoughts

10-24-2013, 02:02 PM	#5
pendragginp Guru Posts: 985 Karma: 4567263 Join Date: May 2009 Location: The End Of The Earth Device: Several	I think, Becca, that it's too old for seven-year olds; I don't think they would understand it. I think it's a better fit for children ten to eleven. I like the story though, and I don't think it's too grim for the older kids. Last edited by pendragginp; 10-24-2013 at 03:26 PM.

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10-24-2013, 03:47 AM	#3
HarryT eBook Enthusiast Posts: 85,560 Karma: 93980341 Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: UK Device: Kindle Oasis 2, iPad Pro 10.5", iPhone 6	It's worth noting in passing that in classical mythology the Sirens (which should be capitalised - it's a proper noun) were not mermaids; they were generally portrayed as a combination of a woman and a bird - see: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siren

10-24-2013, 02:03 PM	#6
BeccaPrice Wizard Posts: 2,146 Karma: 11174187 Join Date: Jan 2011 Device: Sony 350, K3-3G, K4SO, KPW	I think in the blurb for this collection, I'm going to put a note that Sirens' Song may not be appropriate for all children.

10-24-2013, 03:05 PM	#8
BeccaPrice Wizard Posts: 2,146 Karma: 11174187 Join Date: Jan 2011 Device: Sony 350, K3-3G, K4SO, KPW	Thanks, Harry.

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