Silliness The Case of the Rock and the Red, Decision at Dawn

Rock Lobster · 10-25-2010, 05:55 PM

It was a typical Tuesday night. The neon sign that Turcic had put outside my window was flashing a sickly red glare on the floor of my office. It really didn't say anything but "Rent Now Due," but it did serve the purpose of not letting me rappel down the side of the building to avoid getting asked for rent. Some landlords are just difficult to deal with.

As usual, the cash drawer in my desk more resembled a cemetery for paperclips and wads of bills with "No such address" stamped on the envelopes. It had been a bad month. As most months are. Every now and then, I wonder if I made the right decision in leaving particle physics to take up my dream of being a gumshoe. As things were going, I was probably going to be eating said shoe, pretty soon.

I was just settling in for the night on my rickey couch when I heard the sound of Red's target practice wafting down the hall. I smiled and rolled over. I had been sharing the hall with Red for so long that the sound of gunfire was starting to be comforting. Pulling my fedora over my eyes to block out the too subtle flashing light, I tried to drift off to sleep.

Maybe there will be a new case tomorrow. Maybe one that actually pays.

Suddenly, I jerked awake and shot off the couch like a squirrel being chased by a Lab. Red didn't practice at night! He only was in this late when he had a case going and he needed to make calls to some forsaken place like Noosa Head. And, come to think of it, that was the sound of two guns popping off, not the usual .22 that Red favored.

I grabbed my fedora from the floor and placed in on my head at a rakish angle (since, being a detective, I had to keep the style going) and reviewed my options. There weren't many.

The window was, for all intents and purposes, screwed shut by the mounting bracket of a neon sign that I was pretty sure had nothing to do with me. Red's doorway was between me and the fire escape, shish worked most of the time. That left only the front stairwell, with it's inevitable discussion with Mr Turcic about past due rent and heating tab. I was trapped like a rat in a cheese factory.

Well, there was nothing for it. I eased the door open and crept silently down the hall towards Red's door. Silently, that is, except for the damned cat that I can never avoid tripping over. I think he does it on purpose. So, after the squalling ended, I continued silently.

Outside Red's door, I listened. The gunfire had stopped. I could make out two voices but could not hear the conversation. They seemed to be arguing. I was about to slink down the hall to the fire escape, when another shot rang out and a neat little hole appeared in the glass of the door. The bullet missed my noggin by a hair's breadth. I was glad I had gotten a haircut that morning.

A dark shape appeared behind the frosted glass and the door began to swing open.

ShortNCuddlyAm · 10-25-2010, 08:12 PM

Yay! More Rock Lobster

SneakySnake · 10-25-2010, 11:16 PM

Yes Please! More! More!

recluse · 10-26-2010, 12:13 AM

The butler's life partner (the blonde avocado, not the flounder) did it with a frozen waffle in Miss Marple's rumpus room. The purple faux fur found in Lord Hamperdamp's nasal cavities was a red herring of another color. He was a closet Muppet sniffer (weekends and rainy afternoons). How his trousers, left shoe and a signed copy of "Rear Window" got in there is another story. (Copies available in the lobby).
The cat was not involved in the murder, but was found guilty of loitering in a story with the intent to attract cat fanciers and subsequently shot.

Sweetpea · 10-26-2010, 02:32 AM

More time to waste during work hours!

Whoop!

When will we be able to pir.. euhh, download the book?

dreams · 10-26-2010, 03:21 AM

Yippy

More Rock and Roll! er, I mean More Rock and Red!!!

Greg Anos · 10-26-2010, 08:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetpea

More time to waste during work hours!

Whoop!

When will we be able to pir.. euhh, download the book?

When I get the next post written...It's a round robin...

Have to go to work. Ta for noe...

vivaldirules · 10-26-2010, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rock Lobster

It was a typical Tuesday night....

Yea!!

Javed · 10-26-2010, 08:17 AM

Oh my, does this mean there is now a bullet hole in the rakishly angled fedora?!

beachwanderer · 10-26-2010, 08:21 AM

dsvick · 10-26-2010, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sweetpea

More time to waste during work hours!

Whoop!

When will we be able to pir.. euhh, download the book?

I can't believe you said that Sweetpea - time spent reading a Rock Lobster story is never wasted

I would also like to download the book - the deluxe version with picture of a red button on the front, and a crowbar, with a fedora over both.... yea, that one!

pshrynk · 10-26-2010, 09:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by recluse

The butler's life partner (the blonde avocado, not the flounder) did it with a frozen waffle in Miss Marple's rumpus room. The purple faux fur found in Lord Hamperdamp's nasal cavities was a red herring of another color. He was a closet Muppet sniffer (weekends and rainy afternoons). How his trousers, left shoe and a signed copy of "Rear Window" got in there is another story. (Copies available in the lobby).
The cat was not involved in the murder, but was found guilty of loitering in a story with the intent to attract cat fanciers and subsequently shot.

Hey!

No looking ahead!

badgoodDeb · 10-26-2010, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by recluse

The butler's life partner (the blonde avocado, not the flounder) did it with a frozen waffle in Miss Marple's rumpus room. The purple faux fur found in Lord Hamperdamp's nasal cavities was a red herring of another color. He was a closet Muppet sniffer (weekends and rainy afternoons). How his trousers, left shoe and a signed copy of "Rear Window" got in there is another story. (Copies available in the lobby).
The cat was not involved in the murder, but was found guilty of loitering in a story with the intent to attract cat fanciers and subsequently shot.

Has Recluse been studying with Marc Montsnmags?? Recluse is turning into another world class waffler!

Oh, and by the way, Rock -- the particle physics that you left behind are beginning to find clues to their own Dark Matter.

Greg Anos · 10-26-2010, 08:40 PM

Tuesday evening and I was workin' overtime. Queen Zelda had challenged me to find a keg of Pearl in her Royal Database. A harmless game that helped her take the pressure off her Royal duties. When I found it and replaced the entry with a .22 bullet picture, she'd send me the keg. I did the same thing with her favorite perfume.

I had just finished going through Hugo and Lefty's home (the sock drawer inventory), when the inner office door opened. Suddenly, three eyes were peerin' at me. I don't mind eyes, but one of them was the barrel of a .45 auto with it's ear back. Not particularly friendly.

The gent holding the John Roscoe didn't add to my ease. He was maybe 17, and obviously was not a seasoned campaigner. That meant he might do anything, lacking the experience to know that doing nothing was usually the best answer.

"Betcha think this is a prop." the punk kid said.

"Anybody who makes that bet doesn't live to see his next birthday."

"Just in case you have doubts." He pops out a couple of rounds into the wall over my head.

I did have doubts about his intelligence, but I decided not to voice them.

I did say, "You obviously came for a reason. Would you care to sit down and tell me how I can help you?" All while making no movements at all.

The young punk sprawled in the guest chair. "Don't make any sudden moves."

"Can I make a slow move to turn and face you? I'll keep my hands nice and level."

The punk said, "Sure, nice and slow."

I did so, keeping hands nice and level. And my feet at the foot controls under the desk. My left foot turned them on and the right on hit the squirt button. In 30 second, the punk and the chair he was sittin' in were gonna become inseparable friends. My hand was near the Nolan Ryan Baseball I keep on the desk. I had gotten it from his resturant down at Choke Canyon, shortly after he retired from pitchin'.

"What kinda baseball is that?"

"A souvenir from Nolan Ryan back when he was pitchin'."

"Who's Nolan Ryan?"

"He holds the career strikeout record, and the most no hitters by a pitcher."

About that time, Mrs. Slocum lets out a squall in the hall. She must have tripped somebody in the hall. Probably his backup.

He turned his head and gun both. That was just too good an opportunity for me to turn down. I grabbed the baseball and threw it at the gun hand. Bingo! Right on the old knuckle!

The gun went flying. The punk tried to get up and fell over with the chair still attached to his backside. The joys of SuperGlue.

I was over the desk and kicking the gun under the couch before he could get organized.

He had managed to turn himself face up and was cussing a loud blue streak.

"Shut your trap, before I shut it for you!" I yelled, waving my best kickin' leg for emphasis.

"You'll pay for this!"

"Yep, I shure will. that chair cost $200 to re-upholster and another 10 buck to patch the holes in the wall. Let me tend to your buddy out in the hall and I'll get back to you. Don't go away."

I went back to my desk, got my silencered .22 and the speedloader of wadcutters. and went to the inner door. I saw a shadow at the door, and hoped the CB caps already in it would act like a typical BB gun, and just leave a hole, rather that shattering the door glass. I didn't want to spend another $500 on top of all the other expenses tonight. Besides, Mindy would complain in the morning about the mess...

So I took careful aim a let one go at the guy outside the door, hopefully close enough to loosen his sphincters without havin' to write up a police report...

The guy stopped, I opened the door to see who was out there...

pshrynk · 10-26-2010, 08:45 PM

Anyone else notice the eerie resemblance between Rock and Recluse?

10-25-2010, 05:55 PM	#1
Rock Lobster PI for hire. Posts: 94 Karma: 511896 Join Date: Feb 2010 Device: I keep a notebook handy, just in case.	The Case of the Rock and the Red, Decision at Dawn It was a typical Tuesday night. The neon sign that Turcic had put outside my window was flashing a sickly red glare on the floor of my office. It really didn't say anything but "Rent Now Due," but it did serve the purpose of not letting me rappel down the side of the building to avoid getting asked for rent. Some landlords are just difficult to deal with. As usual, the cash drawer in my desk more resembled a cemetery for paperclips and wads of bills with "No such address" stamped on the envelopes. It had been a bad month. As most months are. Every now and then, I wonder if I made the right decision in leaving particle physics to take up my dream of being a gumshoe. As things were going, I was probably going to be eating said shoe, pretty soon. I was just settling in for the night on my rickey couch when I heard the sound of Red's target practice wafting down the hall. I smiled and rolled over. I had been sharing the hall with Red for so long that the sound of gunfire was starting to be comforting. Pulling my fedora over my eyes to block out the too subtle flashing light, I tried to drift off to sleep. Maybe there will be a new case tomorrow. Maybe one that actually pays. Suddenly, I jerked awake and shot off the couch like a squirrel being chased by a Lab. Red didn't practice at night! He only was in this late when he had a case going and he needed to make calls to some forsaken place like Noosa Head. And, come to think of it, that was the sound of two guns popping off, not the usual .22 that Red favored. I grabbed my fedora from the floor and placed in on my head at a rakish angle (since, being a detective, I had to keep the style going) and reviewed my options. There weren't many. The window was, for all intents and purposes, screwed shut by the mounting bracket of a neon sign that I was pretty sure had nothing to do with me. Red's doorway was between me and the fire escape, shish worked most of the time. That left only the front stairwell, with it's inevitable discussion with Mr Turcic about past due rent and heating tab. I was trapped like a rat in a cheese factory. Well, there was nothing for it. I eased the door open and crept silently down the hall towards Red's door. Silently, that is, except for the damned cat that I can never avoid tripping over. I think he does it on purpose. So, after the squalling ended, I continued silently. Outside Red's door, I listened. The gunfire had stopped. I could make out two voices but could not hear the conversation. They seemed to be arguing. I was about to slink down the hall to the fire escape, when another shot rang out and a neat little hole appeared in the glass of the door. The bullet missed my noggin by a hair's breadth. I was glad I had gotten a haircut that morning. A dark shape appeared behind the frosted glass and the door began to swing open.

10-26-2010, 08:40 PM	#14
Greg Anos Grand Sorcerer Posts: 11,519 Karma: 37057604 Join Date: Jan 2008 Device: Pocketbook	Tuesday evening and I was workin' overtime. Queen Zelda had challenged me to find a keg of Pearl in her Royal Database. A harmless game that helped her take the pressure off her Royal duties. When I found it and replaced the entry with a .22 bullet picture, she'd send me the keg. I did the same thing with her favorite perfume. I had just finished going through Hugo and Lefty's home (the sock drawer inventory), when the inner office door opened. Suddenly, three eyes were peerin' at me. I don't mind eyes, but one of them was the barrel of a .45 auto with it's ear back. Not particularly friendly. The gent holding the John Roscoe didn't add to my ease. He was maybe 17, and obviously was not a seasoned campaigner. That meant he might do anything, lacking the experience to know that doing nothing was usually the best answer. "Betcha think this is a prop." the punk kid said. "Anybody who makes that bet doesn't live to see his next birthday." "Just in case you have doubts." He pops out a couple of rounds into the wall over my head. I did have doubts about his intelligence, but I decided not to voice them. I did say, "You obviously came for a reason. Would you care to sit down and tell me how I can help you?" All while making no movements at all. The young punk sprawled in the guest chair. "Don't make any sudden moves." "Can I make a slow move to turn and face you? I'll keep my hands nice and level." The punk said, "Sure, nice and slow." I did so, keeping hands nice and level. And my feet at the foot controls under the desk. My left foot turned them on and the right on hit the squirt button. In 30 second, the punk and the chair he was sittin' in were gonna become inseparable friends. My hand was near the Nolan Ryan Baseball I keep on the desk. I had gotten it from his resturant down at Choke Canyon, shortly after he retired from pitchin'. "What kinda baseball is that?" "A souvenir from Nolan Ryan back when he was pitchin'." "Who's Nolan Ryan?" "He holds the career strikeout record, and the most no hitters by a pitcher." About that time, Mrs. Slocum lets out a squall in the hall. She must have tripped somebody in the hall. Probably his backup. He turned his head and gun both. That was just too good an opportunity for me to turn down. I grabbed the baseball and threw it at the gun hand. Bingo! Right on the old knuckle! The gun went flying. The punk tried to get up and fell over with the chair still attached to his backside. The joys of SuperGlue. I was over the desk and kicking the gun under the couch before he could get organized. He had managed to turn himself face up and was cussing a loud blue streak. "Shut your trap, before I shut it for you!" I yelled, waving my best kickin' leg for emphasis. "You'll pay for this!" "Yep, I shure will. that chair cost $200 to re-upholster and another 10 buck to patch the holes in the wall. Let me tend to your buddy out in the hall and I'll get back to you. Don't go away." I went back to my desk, got my silencered .22 and the speedloader of wadcutters. and went to the inner door. I saw a shadow at the door, and hoped the CB caps already in it would act like a typical BB gun, and just leave a hole, rather that shattering the door glass. I didn't want to spend another $500 on top of all the other expenses tonight. Besides, Mindy would complain in the morning about the mess... So I took careful aim a let one go at the guy outside the door, hopefully close enough to loosen his sphincters without havin' to write up a police report... The guy stopped, I opened the door to see who was out there... Last edited by Greg Anos; 10-26-2010 at 08:43 PM.

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10-25-2010, 08:12 PM	#2
ShortNCuddlyAm WWHALD Posts: 7,879 Karma: 337114 Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Mitcham, Surrey, UK Device: iPad. Selling my silver 505 here	Yay! More Rock Lobster

10-25-2010, 11:16 PM	#3
SneakySnake I'm watching you! Posts: 6,113 Karma: 22344652 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Sunny Coast Qld, OZ Device: Sony PRS-900(unused lately) iPadAir2, want me Kindle Oasis	Yes Please! More! More!

10-26-2010, 12:13 AM	#4
recluse Banned Posts: 3,724 Karma: 535488 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: the Mortuary Device: Kindle 2	The butler's life partner (the blonde avocado, not the flounder) did it with a frozen waffle in Miss Marple's rumpus room. The purple faux fur found in Lord Hamperdamp's nasal cavities was a red herring of another color. He was a closet Muppet sniffer (weekends and rainy afternoons). How his trousers, left shoe and a signed copy of "Rear Window" got in there is another story. (Copies available in the lobby). The cat was not involved in the murder, but was found guilty of loitering in a story with the intent to attract cat fanciers and subsequently shot.

10-26-2010, 02:32 AM	#5
Sweetpea Grand Sorcerer Posts: 9,707 Karma: 32763414 Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Krewerd Device: Pocketbook Inkpad 4 Color; Samsung Galaxy Tab S6	More time to waste during work hours! Whoop! When will we be able to pir.. euhh, download the book?

10-26-2010, 03:21 AM	#6
dreams It's about the umbrella Posts: 25,110 Karma: 56250158 Join Date: Jan 2009 Device: Sony 505\| K Fire \| KK 3G+Wi-Fi \| iPhone 3Gs \|Vista 32-bit Hm Prem w/FF	Yippy More Rock and Roll! er, I mean More Rock and Red!!!

10-26-2010, 08:17 AM	#9
Javed Grand Sorcerer Posts: 10,270 Karma: 1126878541 Join Date: Oct 2009 Device: Astak Pocket PRO, iPod Touch, PRS-650	Oh my, does this mean there is now a bullet hole in the rakishly angled fedora?!

10-26-2010, 08:21 AM	#10
beachwanderer - Posts: 2,602 Karma: 16748808 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: At the Baltic Sea Device: Some

10-26-2010, 08:45 PM	#15
pshrynk Beepbeep n beebeep, yeah! Posts: 11,726 Karma: 8255450 Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: La Crosse, Wisconsin, aka America's IceBox Device: iThingie, KmkII, I miss Zelda!	Anyone else notice the eerie resemblance between Rock and Recluse?

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