Thread: MobileRead Short Story Anthology - [DISCUSSION & REVIEW]
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Old 03-10-2014, 04:37 PM   #63
arjaybe
Wizard
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Canada
Device: Sony PRS-650
When My Father Died
v1.5

Why not combine contract-guy and south-guy? Maybe south-guy is in town about the contract instead of a "tour."

I don't know why the dark-shadowy figure wants to attack you and your Mom. That scene looks a bit "stuck-on."

Spoiler:
If it's going to be a dream then you should give the reader at least one hint during the story. That way, when they find out at the end, they'll have less reason to feel let down.


Jim
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