Frome the early nineties:
Goal: shoot yourself in the foot.
Here's how to do it in several programming languages.
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”
JAVA
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.
Ruby
Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it.
PHP
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.
ASP.NET
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.
SQL
SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’;
INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);
Perl
You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you. (via Andy)
Javascript
YOu’ve perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.
CSS
You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
Modula2
After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ….
BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.
APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.
SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.
If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.
HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you.
Answer the result.
Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%
Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
Revelation
You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
Visual Basic
You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care.
Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain.
Ada
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.
370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
Python
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.
_________________________________________
In the years the list has become really huge, you can find several more recipes...
I just add some:
iLiad
You drop a bomb on your foot, because the gun's flipbar was kept triggered a fraction of a second more...
iLiad v2
The gun, the bullet and your foot will be included in future updates. But updating is discontinued, so you have to wait for a community release.
Kindle
First you have to subscribe to a shoot-on-line service, then you can buy the trigger, the cock, the butt, the barrel, the magazine, the bullets. At the end, you can shoot yourself for 9.90$ only.
Kindle v2
Rumors say a gun is included in the hard case supplied with the new device.
Sony PRS
Load the gun via USB (PC-only), and shoot yourself in the foot. Slowly.
calibre
Open a ticket: in a few days kovidgoyal will shoot your foot with the best aim ever.
Bookdesigner
Load the foot, the gun and the bullets. After having shot your hands, knees, elbows and ankles, you eventually take a russian class to figure how to shoot yourself in the foot. But your finger no longer work, so you can't do it.
Mobipocket creator
Sorry. The production date of the gun is in the wrong format.
Cybook
First you have to find the right gun size to be loaded, then you have to find bullets for that gun. At the end, you use your foot to crash the device.
iPhone/iTouch
You have to register on App.Store. Then you can write your application, and submit it to be evaluated. It won't make it, because it's not politically correct, sorry.
I hope you like it...
