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jeremy_ahn · 10-05-2009, 03:44 PM

"How I Spent My Weekend After You Ditched Me to Go See The Dark Knight
for the Tenth Time on Imax"

by Jeremy Ahn

I remember last year, and things still haven’t changed, much less you; lesser still, my own life.

I threw my cell phone against the wall and wished it was your cell phone instead of mine. I walked to Hollywood Video on the way to the post office to mail back my Netflix rental and rented Run Lola Run for the thirtieth time and thought, With all the money I spent renting this same movie, I could have bought ten copies of this DVD already; twenty, if I bought them at Wal-Mart from the Bargain Bin.

I ordered drive-thru Taco Bell and ate it in my car alone in the parking lot while feeling ignored because the order was wrong and they forgot to give me napkins but I ate it anyway, too tired and worried to go inside and ask for a refund. I then drove back home feeling emotional heartburn and spiritual indigestion and thought, Sleep is always the answer to everything.

Feelings of loneliness and worthlessness are more manageable and easier to harmonize when there is a radio playing while driving for extended periods of time through expansive stretches of road going nowhere in particular.

I feel left out of everything going on in my city and in life in general. There is no cure for being unwanted. All there is, are layers of management to make pain easier to mask and less burdensome to deal with.

Distracting oneself continuously is the key.

For some reason, my brain suddenly thought: I myself do not possess the necessary reflexes to operate a motor home or commercial truck.

Back at home, I logged onto the internet and promoted my new chapbook in a Yahoo! Chatroom. I typed that I had stolen Stacey Lynn Brown’s book contract and gave it to Susan Browne for another poetry collection, causing Ms. Brown-without-the-E to slit her wrists with a papercut so deep it amputated her hand from her arm-limb. “She blogged about the incident,” I typed, “And gained much sympathy with celebrity-status before her first book of poems even came out. Someone from Random House will read her post and give her a two-book contract. This won’t be the first time a blogger would be offered a book deal by a publishing house. Posting slush pile rejections onto the internet to bypass literary agents is a grumbler’s gamble well-rewarded.”

That alienated people. I felt sad. Online rejection is oftentimes worse than the real in-person, face-to-face deal.

I turned the computer off and savored the absorbing numb of the resulting darkness in the evening’s room settling in, on top, and over and into me so cruel, as the morning dew.

I showered using Mr. Clean cleaning liquid for soap and Pine-Sol spray under my arms for deodorant as I was out of real soap and real deodorant. I crawled my way back to my bed and was glad I had not wasted the time making my bed as I found myself back inside so fast anyway. My bed is my only place of shelter and refuge where I feel safe and some measure of calm. I slide my head under the heavy blanket in fearful and frightened expectation of the coming week to face in the all-too-soon morning.

I whimper and tremble, muttering:
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow...
Tomorrow may be, just has to be, better than today and all my yesterdays put together.
May be, may be...

Three hours later: you call my cell phone to tell me how awesome The Dark Knight is the tenth time you see it and how it’s like the very first time you saw it and then you talk about how Heath Ledger will win the Oscar and the movie should win Best Picture. But you cannot reach me by phone as I destroyed my cell phone. So you leave me a voicemail I will never retrieve and listen to.

I am already asleep.

--------

thank you for reading my story.
i like food.
my face is a lonely onion plant.
i used to have an ipod.

goodnight.

10-05-2009, 03:44 PM	#1
jeremy_ahn Banned Posts: 64 Karma: 22 Join Date: Sep 2009 Device: any	"How I Spent My Weekend After You Ditched Me to Go See 'The Dark Knight' ... on IMAX" "How I Spent My Weekend After You Ditched Me to Go See The Dark Knight for the Tenth Time on Imax" by Jeremy Ahn I remember last year, and things still haven’t changed, much less you; lesser still, my own life. I threw my cell phone against the wall and wished it was your cell phone instead of mine. I walked to Hollywood Video on the way to the post office to mail back my Netflix rental and rented Run Lola Run for the thirtieth time and thought, With all the money I spent renting this same movie, I could have bought ten copies of this DVD already; twenty, if I bought them at Wal-Mart from the Bargain Bin. I ordered drive-thru Taco Bell and ate it in my car alone in the parking lot while feeling ignored because the order was wrong and they forgot to give me napkins but I ate it anyway, too tired and worried to go inside and ask for a refund. I then drove back home feeling emotional heartburn and spiritual indigestion and thought, Sleep is always the answer to everything. Feelings of loneliness and worthlessness are more manageable and easier to harmonize when there is a radio playing while driving for extended periods of time through expansive stretches of road going nowhere in particular. I feel left out of everything going on in my city and in life in general. There is no cure for being unwanted. All there is, are layers of management to make pain easier to mask and less burdensome to deal with. Distracting oneself continuously is the key. For some reason, my brain suddenly thought: I myself do not possess the necessary reflexes to operate a motor home or commercial truck. Back at home, I logged onto the internet and promoted my new chapbook in a Yahoo! Chatroom. I typed that I had stolen Stacey Lynn Brown’s book contract and gave it to Susan Browne for another poetry collection, causing Ms. Brown-without-the-E to slit her wrists with a papercut so deep it amputated her hand from her arm-limb. “She blogged about the incident,” I typed, “And gained much sympathy with celebrity-status before her first book of poems even came out. Someone from Random House will read her post and give her a two-book contract. This won’t be the first time a blogger would be offered a book deal by a publishing house. Posting slush pile rejections onto the internet to bypass literary agents is a grumbler’s gamble well-rewarded.” That alienated people. I felt sad. Online rejection is oftentimes worse than the real in-person, face-to-face deal. I turned the computer off and savored the absorbing numb of the resulting darkness in the evening’s room settling in, on top, and over and into me so cruel, as the morning dew. I showered using Mr. Clean cleaning liquid for soap and Pine-Sol spray under my arms for deodorant as I was out of real soap and real deodorant. I crawled my way back to my bed and was glad I had not wasted the time making my bed as I found myself back inside so fast anyway. My bed is my only place of shelter and refuge where I feel safe and some measure of calm. I slide my head under the heavy blanket in fearful and frightened expectation of the coming week to face in the all-too-soon morning. I whimper and tremble, muttering: Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow Maybe tomorrow... Tomorrow may be, just has to be, better than today and all my yesterdays put together. May be, may be... Three hours later: you call my cell phone to tell me how awesome The Dark Knight is the tenth time you see it and how it’s like the very first time you saw it and then you talk about how Heath Ledger will win the Oscar and the movie should win Best Picture. But you cannot reach me by phone as I destroyed my cell phone. So you leave me a voicemail I will never retrieve and listen to. I am already asleep. -------- thank you for reading my story. i like food. my face is a lonely onion plant. i used to have an ipod. goodnight.