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I don't think you're doing anything wrong (though if you are, people wiser than I will surely point it out). It is certainly true that the SLR is set in the Publishing Workflow, and personally I don't believe there is any way for the publisher to overrule that. The default is the first page of text in the book, usually not including any preface, foreword, whatever, no matter how valuable it might be. (For one thing, that decreases the amount of money Amazon has to pay out to those publishers enrolled in Kindle Unlimited, the lending library.)
As for the cover, it's not the product image that is being sent to the purchaser; it's a degraded version. If you include a cover in your book, the routine is to suppress it in favor of that version, which is incorporated in the conversion process, Step 6 in the publishing process. So I don't know how you can beat this, though I'm sure there's a way.
I love my iPhone but I detest the closed Apple universe (AND the iTunes store). I once checked out some of my books on a friend's iPad, and they looked fine (they were Sigil-built). Perhaps I should check again. Tablets get higher-rez every year.
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