Oliver-
I hope you don't mind criticisms. If so, just ignore this post. Again, I'm trying to be helpful, not mean. Plus, I am a bad critiquer. I know that I do or don't like something, but have a hard time saying why. So I'm doing my best to explain what I thought.
I did buy and read The Most Beautiful Woman, since you had it on sale for free. My first suggestion is to make it free always. Charging even 99¢ for a 6 page story is a bit much.
The story itself is fine, but the actual writing has lost a lot in translation. It doesn't really flow well in English and comes across as stilted in places and just awkward at times. And the descriptions don't flow. I think you need a native English speaker to help you, if your English professor isn't one. Growing up in a language is much different than learning it later on.
I admire you for even trying a story in a language other than your native one. I can't even write in my native tongue, forget another one.
-Marcy
|