WHAT THE BUTLER SAW ......
AS CLEAR AS MUD
WHAT'S THE QUESTION AGAIN?
"Zelda, Zelda, Zelda. That's not the right question. It should be 'Why did the chicken cross the ..."
*slap*
"Don't you dare patronize you, you prevaricating poseur!" hissed the furious fraulein. "Consider that just a love tap."
Colonel Alex cowered into the recesses of his chair as Zelda whirled back to face her anxious audience.
"As I was saying ..."
"As you were saying, NUTS to you sister! And your half-baked theories. As if anyone cared about a dead chicken. Especially once the drum sticks were gone. You're still ticked off because nobody saved you anything from the barbecue. Talk about a poor loser! Jeesh!"
Rock Lobster strode onto stage, shoving Zelda into the wings and resting a wing-tip on the recumbent, still struggling figure on the floor.
"It's obvious what happened here tonight! The big storm! The lights go out! Plenty of booze on the premises! No rules! No reason! Everyone chasing around in the dark! Bodies colliding and sticking together! An unplanned party that went tragically wrong! Someone had to pay the price! And believe you me, it was a damn high price to pay for one night of reckless pleasure!"
Lobster paused to re-light his stogie, and gauge the reaction of the audience to his dramatic explanation.
"No, no, no, no! That was just the regular administrative meeting in the Moderator Llounge! You're just not used to seeing Adrian's Rules of Order in action!" Catire dashed onto stage, replacing the temporarily speechless Lobster, and began jumping up and down on the recumbent figure.
"I did it! I confess! I am the murderer! I surrender! It was part of my plan to take over MobileRead and replace Colonel Alex in that cushy study of his! I was seduced and blinded by all that latent power -- just waiting to be misused in highly creative ways! I just kept murdering the wrong man!"
"Won't someone please arrest me?"
Catire swiveled back and forth, offering his tentacles, errr wrists, for the click of the longed-for darbies.
"You're all farking insane!" shouted filip, as he angrily shoved Catire off stage and planted himself atop the recumbent figure. "I'm sorry I ever came over here tonight! One of your own members (maybe more) lies lifeless and cold, and all you imbeciles can do is make up tales and strut about like puppets on a stage! Someone must have a cell phone. Call in the gendarmes and get someone sane in here to solve this baffling mystery! Obviously it's much too complicated for any of us to figure out 'Who done it'!"
*cough*
*cough*
*cough*
*cough*
*cough*
*cough*
A group of formally-clad butlers filed in from stage right, obviously intent on elucidating the events of the evening in interminable itemization and identification. Colonel Alex smirked in a particularly annoying superior fashion. Zelda burst into tears, unable to tolerate the thought of one more logical explanation that made absolutely no sense. Rock Lobster lit another stogie and pushed the brim of his fedora lower on his forehead. Catire's tentacles visibly drooped in dejection. Filip ran from the stage screaming 'ça suffit'!
ENOUGH!!!
[Who said that?]
[Have YOU figured it out?]
[Will ALL ever be explained?]
[Ricolaaaaaaaaaaaa!]