My fellow Americans,
I know that the Health Care crisis is foremost in all our minds and that we, as a unified nation, are willing to accept the crippling burden of unlimited tax increases in order to save the lives of those whose self control and better judgement are terminally impaired. I speak, naturally, of the obese. Fat folks. Yes, I hear your pain. Why must we, who cannot afford the luxury of overeating, pay? I don't know. But it is clearly our fault, so pay we will. Think of the price our President must pay as he bids farewell to a majority of his own Party, Oprah, Al Gore, and the First Lady's trunk junk. I am moved by his noble sacrifice.
