[arjaybe]

Originally Posted by Graham

There’s just one more place where I tripped up a little.

Spoiler:

In the part that goes:

Annie forgot about her urban fantasies and remembered her past. She dreamed, holding the silence in.

I was confused by the 'and remembered her past'. My impression of Annie's past is that it was tormented, and anything but silent. Could this work just as well without that phrase? Or be made more specific, e.g. so that the dreaming is either of happier times or to block out the bad ones?

Graham

Thanks for the comments. I'll work on that part.

Spoiler:

I'm trying to show the conflict between Annie's "traditional," "spiritual" heritage and the "modern" world, without being specific about what her heritage is. I don't want to exploit a particular culture. Do you think having her remember her people's past would be enough of a hint?

Jim

BTW, I registered at your blog. Hurry up and let me in!-)