[Graham]

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I've uploaded version 1.1. I think it addresses the issues, such as the POV problem.

Yes, you've fixed the POV issue well. I was momentarily confused as to who was speaking at the end of the paragraph - but I think that was just me, as it's clear that the mother is repeating herself. Only worry about that if someone else also mentions it.

Originally Posted by arjaybe

The rings - touching them with her thumbs is an example of the stereotyped behavior often found in emotionally troubled people.

The addition of the final reference to them in the closing paragraphs solved this for me. It feels balanced now, thanks.

Originally Posted by arjaybe

The knife - just the kind of thing that might be left on the counter in such a house.

Yup. Worked for me this time through. Removing the word 'vegetable' helped.

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I didn't do much to the opening. Let me know if it's still confusing.

The open window and losing 'kraft' made things much clearer for me, however now that I know the story it's hard to say whether the opening is still confusing. We need a fresh pair of eyes there, really.

Originally Posted by arjaybe

I think it's better.

Definitely. There’s just one more place where I tripped up a little.

Spoiler:

In the part that goes:

Annie forgot about her urban fantasies and remembered her past. She dreamed, holding the silence in.

I was confused by the 'and remembered her past'. My impression of Annie's past is that it was tormented, and anything but silent. Could this work just as well without that phrase? Or be made more specific, e.g. so that the dreaming is either of happier times or to block out the bad ones?

Graham