[emonti8384]

To start off, this forum has been the one place I can go to feel free. I can count on the members of this forum to help me when the people I know in person cannot.

I was a drug addict for 10+ years. Or I guess you can say I still am. I started out easy and went downward pretty fast. I coudln't afford a treament program; my mum died when I was 19, and I don't speak to my father nd brother. By the time I wanted to stop I was 21. I called every rehab, doctor, psychologist the phone book would allow-too much money. I was getting what I needed illegally because I had no other choice.

Finally I found a doctor that would help, that there was a doctor that prescribed what I needed but the only one. And he wasn't specialized in the path I was trying to take; he only prescirbed it for a certin brand of patients, meaning I'd have to lie to go legit with my medication. I went, and got what I needed.

I see a counselor and am currently enrolled in college for psychology. I went back to school after I met this doctor and after dropping out of hs and getting my GED, going back later on to be a medical secretary. I graduated with a 3.7 GPA. I went to work for the hospital, that knew I was taking this medication. I have been there for almost 4 years.

A year ago my 5 year relationship ended. He took everything; I didn't even have any sort of chair to sit on. Of course I was devestated, but went to work everyday with a smile on my face and never compromised my patients. Or called off. My doctor put me on anti-anxiety meds. 3 months after my break-up my doctor prescribed me an antidepressant. I reacted very badly at work, and was excused for the week. When I did come back, the second day I was taken in for a drug test. Alcohol, hair, urine. They said I'd be compensated for my time off if the meds were all prescribed and it would take about 10 days and I would be on unpaid suspension. It took 17 days.

I had a meeting with the health nurse and my 2 bosses. They claimed that the level my medication was at far heavier than what (a level indicating abuse) it should be (and let me mention this test only tests what is in your system at time of testing, not what is taken everyday) and suspended me even further. I had to take short term disability and FMLA. They were rude to me and although my doctor was on vacation in order to get my clearence to return to work. They accussed me of prolonging my return on purpose. I clocked out June 1st and returned on July 17th, without the pay compensation.

Ever since then I have been harrassed. My doctor whom they've refused to speak to and refused to relese a copy of the urinalysis (to which my doctor wrote a letter saying the test inicated I was properly using my medication-I had to steal it bc they refused to release it to my doctor or me). People have reported me for things I do not do, say that I've lost too much weight (I lost 50 lbs and remain at a steady 126. I am 5 foot tall even), my eyes are red, and I am often "drowsy"
which indicates apparent drug usage.


On the 13th they drug tested me again without any supervisor supervision. A co-worker that does not like me called my boss at home and told her I appeared to be "lethargic." My boss called the health department, and the drug test was done but I was allowed to remain at work this time.

Yesterday they called me and said my urine tested positive for marijuanna, although my hair did not I have not smoked pot since freshman year, which have been 11 years. I am suspended pending I attend and pass an out-patient drug treament.

I have no idea what to do. I cannot seem to find gainful employment anywhere else. I have gotten to the point where I cry every night and every morning before work. I have no friends and the only thing I trust and confide in are my cats. Being a drug addict destroyed parts of my life I will never get back. I have no reason to over-indulge on my medication. I worked so hard to try and better my life but they are intent to destroy it. What do I do? I am begging someone to help me. Please.