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Ultra literary style in a fantasy novel may be an interesting approach, but such lines as "The bus driver was in a real pickle. Queues returning from Saturday market blocked an easy escape to the shoulder. As the angular carapace of the tanker bore down...." are just way over the top. I didn't sense that this was meant to be a comedy.
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I don’t see what’s funny about that scene either.
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I love literary fiction. I don't love pretentious attempts to write it. To paraphrase Freud - sometimes a truck is just a truck.
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I don’t like literary fiction, but I don’t think Xenolith is – or trying to be – literary. I see it very much as commercial fiction. I’m about halfway through the novel and enjoying it immensely.
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I thought this was a particularly strong excerpt. The author seems to be a pro and setting the stage for an interesting story. The excerpt as presented kept my attention the whole time I was reading it. A very good submission.
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I agree with the second reviewer’s comments. Your writing is strong and holds the reader's attention.