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Old 01-09-2018, 07:36 PM   #14
Cinisajoy
Just a Yellow Smiley.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gmw View Post
I know there is a certain "feel" to this that you are wanting to achieve - hence the overkill (pun intended) - but some of the parts are weakening the whole. I've marked some of what I think is still redundant:


Lainey Tripper is a whiskey-drinking hard-living animal rescue feminist. But she has just this one little problem: she can’t seem to stop killing men.

Lainey’s the head of the IWS, a radical feminist animal rescue group dedicated to stopping the nefarious Donovan from oppressing women and animals. But now Donovan has taken his evil to a new level—he’s systematically stealing Chicago’s dogs. This is clearly unacceptable to Lainey and the IWS, but in Lainey’s enthusiasm to stop Donovan, she again kills quite a lot of men. Her fellow IWS members plead with her to moderate her man-killing tendencies, but Lainey feels the men she kills deserve it, and besides, she must do whatever it takes to save Chicago’s dogs.

Will Lainey stop Donovan in time? And when she’s done, will any men be left alive?


Possibly "she again kills a lot of men" might be better as "she kills a lot more men", it's less waffly.
Much better.
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