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Old 01-08-2018, 07:11 PM   #5
gmw
cacoethes scribendi
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Mostly good. Over-the-top, humorous ... thrilling? But I am inclined to think that second paragraph is too long. It needs to be shorter, punchier. There is quite a lot of repetition in there, so there's definitely room to cut it back.
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