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Originally Posted by issybird
[...] However, I'm glad this came up, as I've not been happy with the characterization of Henry as a loving husband. If he couldn't see how essentially unfulfilled Sarah was, that was a serious limitation on his love; he was as selfish as the other two. Or, perhaps more fairly, he also was damaged and it was expressed in his lack in that respect.
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I certainly agree that there are things wrong with Henry and Sarah's relationship, but cause and effect are difficult to determine from our distanced view. Early on we have Bendrix watching Henry:
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He went to the door and opened it, and automatically his face fell into the absurd lines of gentleness and affection. I had always been irritated by that mechanical response to her presence because it meant nothing—one cannot always welcome a woman’s presence, even if one is in love, and I believed Sarah when she told me they had never been in love. There was more genuine welcome, I believe, in my moments of hate and distrust. At least to me she was a person in her own right—not part of a house like a bit of porcelain, to be handled with care.
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Is there not genuine love and affection in a person that
always welcomes their partner's presence? That his feeling is not reciprocated makes this a rather tragic scene, but the fact that Henry never seems to hold Sarah responsible for not reciprocating makes this love seem all the less selfish - in contrast to Bendrix.
But yes, I think Henry is damaged. I think partly by Sarah distancing herself (did Henry contribute to this - perhaps, but we don't get to see that), and partly thanks to the interference from Bendrix (as with what Victoria spoke of just before, in forcing Henry to see the PI report). This make it more difficult for him to help Sarah when she needs it. But we are never really given anything to go on here, there may have been attempts to help her but these might have been rejected by Sarah who wanted only God or Bendrix. So the reader sees four men watching Sarah suffer.