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Your book sounds fascinating, as for losing the fairytale voice maybe you could suss that in the rewrite, although mobile phones etc do get in the way a bit. You seem to have a very fertile but maybe slightly disorganised mind; perhaps just a little outlining would help to give your creativity direction, though I suspect it's the way you follow your story, rather than making it follow a plan, which weaves the magic.
I hope you finish the book soon, sounds like a unique story.
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