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1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
This book is to writing what a McValue Meal is to cuisine (mmm, caramel sundae...arrrgglll)
2. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
Will John Galt please shut the hell up before I put a bullet in my head.
3. The First Man in Rome (Colleen McCullough)
I'm sorry, I'm leaving - will the last man in Rome please turn out the lights.
4. The Sparrow/Children of God (Mary Doria Russell)
I love God. I hate God. I love God again. (Yeah, but he still hates you like he hates gays and atheists, you whiny pillock with the freaky hands)
5. Anything by Piers Anthony
Seriously, when mummy told you to stop fantasizing or hair would grow on your palms, she didn't mean for you to write it all down instead.
6. Battlefield Earth (Lunatic Ron Hubbard)
If I have to explain this inclusion to you, I'm going to track you down and kill you for being too stupid to live, because it'll be easier (and the authorities'll let me go free when I tell them why I did it)
7. The Sea, The Sea (Iris Murdoch)
Yeah, that's right, I've got an Iris Murdoch book on my list. You wanna fight about it? This book is empty of anything likable. Think "dull dull dull" and "soap opera with longer words" and you'll just about have it. "Literature", my arse! This is pretentious claptrap hiding nothing but unlikable, ever-shallow characters and empty meaning.
8. The Wheel of Time (Robert Jordon, mostly)
Ahh, the wheel of time is circular and neverending. No, seriously, it is.
9. A Game of Thrones (George R. R. Martin)
A game like Monotony...I mean, Monopoly. Do not pass Go.
10. Anything Cthulhu Mythos (by H.P. Lovecraft)
Insanity, doom, dread, horror...bollocks! I've done scarier craps.
There you go, in no particular order. They're probably not the worst I've read, but they came to the forefront of my mind the quickest.
Cheers,
Marc (I'm so going to get it from Cthulhu)
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