Quote:
Originally Posted by Hitch
Something I learned, when dealing with my mother and then my gran, the former of whom was obdurately self-destructive and the latter who went utterly bonkers with Alzheimers is: sometimes, it's easier to get angry at the person, for behavior that you (prefer) to perceive as deliberate--and thereby changeable--than to realize that the person you loved at one time is simply gone, and never coming back. Getting angry and thinking that they're doing it deliberately, or that it's convenient, is a form of denial.
Not saying that's how it is with your Mother, or you. But it was damn sure true about me and mine, for a while, and certainly my sister--who never could let go and realize that for all intents and purposes, our grandmother was gone, years before she was, and that our mother, at her age, simply could no longer take active steps to diminish her "bad" behaviors. It's bloody difficult to let that anger go, I can certainly say THAT.
Offered solely FWIW.
Hitch
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As far as anger goes, after my father died I would yell (mentally) at times. I would tell him, he should be here to console his older sister not me.
That did lead to a weird image when that sister passed away.
My father passed away early due (do) to thinking beer=warfarin and food.
He would lie about when he ate.
So I do understand.