HIGH NOON
THE WAGES OF SIN
The Oz-Injun camp began to mobilize for the coming battle. Weapons were found and polished. Horses were groomed and fitted with battle saddles. Colorful, attractive clothing was chosen to be photographed in! The Oz-Indians were stylish as well as strategical!
Queen Katti'sCat rode out to review the preparations, along with MOTT. "Don't worry or hurry," she called out, "there's plenty of time to put the shrimp on the barbee! And maybe Alex too if he doesn't cough up the password for the iPad!" Then she glared at SS and continued "But I'm afraid there won't be any BBQ chicken tonight!"
"The rangers will ride first to the Chicken Ranch, where THEY will have chicken BBQ!" SS continued to slither away from the Queen's withering glare. You see, Queen KC just loved a nice drumstick smothered in spicy BBQ sauce. But it was not to be!
Meanwhile, back at the Chicken Ranch, look-outs posted on the roof began to shout and excitedly point towards the desert! "Look! There! Someone's coming!"
KennyC(hicken) ran out and shaded his eyes from the rising sun's deadly rays. "Shucks, that's not the rangers. It's only a single horseman. Wonder who's out by hisself in the middle of nowhere."
As the horseman approached, they began to hear a high shout bordering on the beginnings of hysterical screaming.
"Look," cried IAm(notAChicken) "It's that prospector fellow, Seasonings, riding hell-bent to leather as if the devil's on his trail!"
Seasonings rode his lathered knackered horse into the Chicken Ranch's corral and fell off onto the ground, shaking as if with ague!
"Worse than a devil on my trail" he wheezed, "five she-devils and a demon himself!"
The ranch hands began to back away, holding their noses, and saying "Sheesh, what's that god-awful smell. You smell like you've been wrassling with a polecat! And lost!"
"Please let me wash off," cried Seasonings, "I'm beginning to attract coyotes now!"
"What happened to you, handsome stranger?" simpered the two daughters, strangely attracted by Seasonings musky aroma.
"Well, it happened like this. I was carried out of MR-Rock by a band of leather-wearing vigilantes of the female persuasion. And some green-glowing guy carrying a kitten! It was like having one of your worst nightmares with your eyes open!"
"We made camp to rest the horses, and all five of those bi....s, errr, ladies skinned off their leathers and began to oil them up with mink oil. Didn't seem to bother them! But I thought my sinuses would explode. The green guy just kept trying to lick it off the leather, until KK smacked him with a whip. He liked that!"
"Then they started to look at me, kind of how an owl eyes up a mouse. Licking their lips and winking at me. I snuck out to relieve myself, grabbed my horse, and have been galloping through the dark ever since. The last thing I heard was the green guy calling 'Here kitty kindlish kitten' - I'm not sure if he was calling the woman or her cat."
"Can I please have a shower?"
"And, by the way, is Alex here?"
A profound hush fell over the ranch, as Pshellyrose and Psweetpea vied to tell him the tale of the Oz-Injun raid and the loss of Alex and his iPad.
"Dang," muttered Seasonings, "foiled again."
"Oh no" cried IAm(NotAChicken) "they took our cook too so we can't use the foil to cook our chickens! We had to order pizza, but it hasn't been delivered yet! We thought you might be the delivery boy!"
Far away in the desert, a lone man on a burro rode slowly into a slumbering camp reeking of angry civet cat. A green moon seemed to glow in the trees, and the creaking of leather bustiers filled the dawn light. Suddenly a voice demanded "Halt! Who goes there?"
Lawyer Tom doffed his hat and replied "It's me ... Lawyer Tom riding to defend the innocent, right the wrongs, and collect my fees. This little fellow is my burro moejose."
"Say, aren't you the feline posse that rode out from town with Vintage Seasonings? Where is he? And why is the moon green?"
Zelda strode forward and shrilled, her overpowering emotions making her French accent almost sound real: "Zee dirty scoundrel ran away! Abandoned us poor defenseless vomen volk in the middle of the nasty desert. Do we haff a case against heeem?"
"Hmmm," pondered Tom as he pulled out a weighty tome from his saddlebags, "Let's see: abandonment, breach of promise, reckless endangerment ... why the list of charges is almost endless. Ladies .... we have a winner." "Errm, about that green moon?"
"Oh, that's just recluse, he gets real antsy unless he's in his belfry, and hoisting him up into that tree was the closest we could get to a belfry out here." replied Kindlish. "And yes, that's his kitten with him."
(To Be Continued)
(Will Lawyer Tom commit habeus corpus with the lovely ladies?)
(Will Seasonings stop shaking and lose his allure for wildlife?)
(Will those dang Rangers EVER arrive?)
(And don't forget - Alex and the jimjams!)