Quote:
Originally Posted by jaxx6166
My editing mostly consists of GrammarianX, Word spell check, and a light read through to see if what's on screen is what should be on the page. (... snip)
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I can't speak for an academic scholar, but I can speak as a working editor of fiction, and I would have probably left the first passage alone. Depending on context I might have asked questions about it - and possibly asked it to be moved if I didn't think it fit with the rest of the paragraph - but it's a perfectly serviceable passage and illuminates the narrator's character well.
I don't worry as much about whether something is grammatically correct, as whether it sounds
right, which doesn't always mean the same thing.
Other questions that come up are whether something drives either character, plot or both forward.
If it's pulling its weight in the story it should stay, if it's not it should either be recast or removed.
I also check for POV and tense issues - as well as active and passive voice - direct and indirect discourse - grounding details and a host of other things; and that's not even touching the structural level.
I try to help improve a story, not take off points for grammar.