HIGH NOON
THE CHASE SCENE BEGINS
Reader warning: Adult themes and images! Read in privacy! Have a cold shower ready!
Lawyer Tom stepped forward to pontificate on the legality of deputizing ordinary citizens and the horrors of vigilante justice. But before he could open his mouth, the hush was shattered by the united shrieking reply from the cat-house ladies: "We'll ride with you Seasonings!"
Ripping off their lace and gauzy garments, the lovely ladies revealed their undergarments: leather bustiers studded with knives, chains, bandoleers, and other implements of painful occupation. Spurs replaced stilettos! The ladies of dubious reputation -- Kindlish Kitten, Neko-Camisole, Verencattish, Deb (bad, good, and otherwise), and Zelda the faded French rose-- all rose to the challenge of rescuing their beloved Alex (and incidentally the iPad) - their hearts beating true and lustily for adventure.
"Dang," muttered Doc, "I thought those things under their dresses were for our weird customers. Who would have thought they actually worked?"
"Ummmm, ladies," continued Doc, "I don't want to put a damper on your new-found ardor, but if you ride out tonight with Seasonings here, won't you be missing your appointments with your Sunday night regulars?"
The women turned with the ominous sound of creaking leather and withered Doc with their combined burning gazes. "We're going to ride a real man, errrr, ride WITH a real man, tonight!" they proclaimed to the packed saloon.
Seasonings paled visibly beneath his scruffy beard at these words, and began to back towards the door. Lawyer Tom rushed forward to explicate the legality of Seasoning's riding out un-chaperoned with five single ladies. The rest of the men could only dream of the the experience of riding out alone with five single ladies!
The ladies rushed through the door, carrying Seasonings with them to the stable, where they mounted up (on the horses - dang your perverted mind gentle reader!) and headed out of town! As they passed the belfry, the door was flung open, spilling a lurid green glow along with recluse and his kitten into the street. KK slowed her steed down as recluse and furry friend sprang onto the saddle behind her!
"Don't think you could ever leave ME behind" breathed recluse into KK's hair. "I'm not raising this kitten by myself!"
Unobserved by the galloping band, Lawyer Tom followed more sedately behind them, mounted on his trusty burro who always wore a straw sombrero and answered to the name moejose. The burro traveled slowly, since Tom had loaded up the saddlebags with his law books. He was ready to defend any miscreant or punish any wrong-doer he encountered! No wrong would go un-righted. No injury would go uncompensated!
Meanwhile, back at the Llounge saloon, the remaining men sat despondently, furtively eying one another and quietly throwing back shot after shot of rot-gut.
Doc finally broke the silence "Walll, do you think they'll remember to bring the gibbon back too?"
As every eye in the house turned to glare at him, he defended his remark "I know you boys will get mighty lonely tonight, but a little music would have helped you relax. Always works for me!"
When he caught sight of Deputy bob swinging the lynch rope in a deeply meditative manner, Doc abruptly shut up.
The profound silence was finally broken by Judge Nate, who cleared his throat, spat in the general direction of the spittoon and missed, and then hauled himself to his feet. "Boys, we've got no choice. We've lost everything -- our iPad, our ladies, our holiday lynching, ... we even lost the dang gibbon!" He paused here to let his words sink in. In an even lower, slower voice, he continued "Worst of all, we done lost our self-respect. There's no honor left in MR-Rock any more. We let it flounce out of the door and ride off into the sunset. We can't look ourselves in the eye as men anymore."
After this long speech, the Judge sank back into his chair and downed his glass in a single swallow. It was so quiet in that bar you could here the mice burp in the crawlspace.
(To be continued .... chase scenes do go on & on you know)
(Will Seasonings track down Alex?)
(Will recluse stay on KK's saddle?)
(And just what is SS doing to Alex now?)
(And don't forget - the rangers are coming!)