HIGH NOON
THE EPIC SAGA OF A GENERATION
Viewer warning: This installment contains graphic nekkidness.
Well, Sheriff HarryT looked at Judge Nate, who looked at Doc, who looked over, errrr, down at Deputy pb, who looked into the doggie's eyes.
"What have we got to lose?" asked Doc, "Let's humor the little lady and get an answer to this baffling puzzle."
So the doggie was sent to Florence's "studio of ill repute" to fetch the alleged portrait of an iPad thief, or at least the tush of a thief.
The gibbon wound up the player piano and the dreams bimbo beguiled the waiting crowd with a medley of show tunes and Broadway standards. The ladies from the cat house slunk back into the saloon, licking their chops, waiting for more fun to erupt.
A packed house awaited the arrival of the portentous portrait!
The scratching of claws on hard-packed dirt, loud panting, and the occasional canine profanity announced the return of the gray doggie, clutching the portrait, discreetly concealed in a plain brown wrapper, in his sturdy jaws. Doc erected a make-shift easel on the bar using Grandma's stick and several chairs, and the portrait was proudly positioned in its place of honor.
Zelda, Deb, KK, Verencat, & Neko used their combined strength to drag Alex onto the bar next to the painting. The ape began a drum roll on the top of the piano, and the crowd held its breath! Florence stepped forward and slowly, carefully unwrapped her painting, and then dramatically stepped aside, revealing:
WARNING: DO NOT OPEN THIS SPOILER TAG UNLESS YOU HAVE PROOF YOU ARE OVER 21 YEARS OF AGE, AND DO NOT FAINT EASILY WHEN CONFRONTED WITH GRAPHIC NEKKIDNESS!
At the same time, Zelda de-pantsed Alex.
The crowd gasped! Florence beamed! Grandma swore up a blue streak! The doggie swooned! The ape applauded wildly!
Florence explained: "Obviously they're identical! My painting has captured the essence of Alex's derriere. I gazed at it for hours and painted the message my soul received!"
Well, Sheriff HarryT looked at Judge Nate, who looked at Doc, who looked over, errrr, down at Deputy pb, who looked into the doggie's eyes. Doc stepped forward and covered Alex from public view. Sheriff HarryT re-wrapped the painting. The doggie wept. The gibbon closed the lid over the piano keys.
Sheriff HarryT spoke first: "Well folks, if that painting is Alex's derriere, I'm a monkeys .... (the gibbon muttered savagely here), errr, we're all sadly mistaken."
Their hopes had been dashed. Florence had been sniffing the oil paints again. The town was no closer to regaining its rightful iPad. Alex was still a prisoner.
Doc leaned over the bar and asked the crest-fallen Florence "Say, Miss Florence, in addition to being the town's loose-living Bohemian artist in residence, ain't you also the school marm?"
"Why yes" responded Florence, "You know I teach grades K - 6."
"Well, ma'am," continued Doc, "If you're here now, who's watching your class?" Florence froze as the full implication of Doc's question sank in......
(To be continued - no matter where, no matter when!)