Quote:
Originally Posted by montsnmags
I try to avoid positive-affirmation threads like this. The specifications currently attached to my life are significantly better, I am fortunate to say, than average, and I should feel "happy" (and a lot of the time I do). I hate affirming these things because of the intense imbalance between the objective positive nature of my current life, and the farking misery and frustration and anger and hatred and deep, drowning melancholy that hits suddenly on the most featherweight of triggers and inspires a need to abandon it all and set myself permanently adrift. It feels so much like failure and dogged disappointment. Inexcusable.
But sometimes other things, drifting, drag themselves into view or flow past my skin like a coastal summer breeze. Sometimes that thing is simply...a coastal summer breeze. I cannot obtain focus on complex joy or rich contentment. But I can hold a simple summer breeze inside my view and feel, even if momentarily...calm; real.
Last night, this morning, too much thought, too much ruction, too much of a feeling of repeat of past bad experiences, an environment that feels... broken... unfixable... deja vu of the same destructive mess being imminent... this had me down in the drowneds, looking to log off from it all again.
Those things come along though. I am not better, but I have three things:
Cheers,
Marc
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Sounds like you need a hug you poor thing. I almost feel admonished for starting this, but I wanted to be able to write down some things that were good even if they were boring and ordinary. Because I myself tend to focus on what is wrong rather than what is good.
So today...
1. I had a lovely warm sleep-in in crisp clean sheets on a cool morning.
bliss.......
2. Got some good news about a party date change now bloke CAN go. yippee!
3. We are going out to have a grown up dinner with friends tonight.
Life is good