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I couldn't make it through every page of this thread, but if I were to recommend a writer to someone who is, by admission, tone-deaf to the English language but liked lots of stuff happening, I'd recommend Tim Dorsey. He's not really a suspense writer, though, and his most sympathetic character is a serial killer, but a lot of stuff happens. Crazy stuff. Like when our hero ties a guy we hate to opposite sides of a drawbridge, or the thing with the stuffed alligator, or...oh, never mind. You probably wouldn't like it. Dorsey is no Dan Brown. No one is.
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