[rebarnmom]

Originally Posted by happy_terd

A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I’m too young to die. I’m only fifty five." "Fifty five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two." "How’s you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter: "We added up your time sheets."

Originally Posted by Lycoming

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what
famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now...

Originally Posted by Hamlet53

A young blonde woman is driving erratically and so a highway patrol officer, also a blonde, pulls her over. After approaching the car the officer requests that the driver provide her driver's license.

The driver, obviously quite inebriated, fumbles through her purse and produces several items—a brush, lipstick, perfume, several coins—casting a hopeful look at the officer each time and receiving a negative head shake each time.

Finally the officer offers, “It’s the rectangular item with your picture on it.”

The drunken young woman searches in her purse some more, produces a small makeup mirror, glances at it, and then handing it to the officer asks, “Is this it?”

The officer takes the mirror, glances at it, and handing it back to the woman says, “Yes, that’s it.”