At a Catholic elementary school little Johnny is out on the playground during recess killing ants with a rock. Each time he brings the rock down on an ant he says, “Damn ants!”

Sister Mary observes this and annoyed with his behavior and language goes over and says, “Johnny stop that this second. All of God's creatures have a place in this world. I want you to just sit and reflect quietly until you can name three things in this world that serve no purpose.”

Near the end of recess sister Mary returns and is dismayed to find Johnny once more killing ants.

“Damn ants!” “Damn ants!”

Sister Mary, now visibly angry go overs to Johnny and says, “Did I not tell you to be still until you could think of three useless things in the world?”

Johnny replies, “I did Sister. A priest's dick, a nun's tits, and these damn ants!”

No good? How about a blond joke?


A young blonde woman is driving erratically and so a highway patrol officer, also a blonde, pulls her over. After approaching the car the officer requests that the driver provide her driver's license.

The driver, obviously quite inebriated, fumbles through her purse and produces several items—a brush, lipstick, perfume, several coins—casting a hopeful look at the officer each time and receiving a negative head shake each time.

Finally the officer offers, “It’s the rectangular item with your picture on it.”

The drunken young woman searches in her purse some more, produces a small makeup mirror, glances at it, and then handing it to the officer asks, “Is this it?”

The officer takes the mirror, glances at it, and handing it back to the woman says, “Yes, that’s it.”

Yeah, groan. One more.

It's logging season here in the Wisconsin north woods. Got to keep the paper mills running or the local economy will really go to hell. So out at this logging camp tradition dictates that the newest member of the crew must, in addition to regular daytime duties, also cook the evening meal for the entire camp. He must continue to do this until someone makes a complaint about the meal, and at that point the critic must assume the cooking duties.

The most junior member does not want to start off on the wrong foot so he willing accedes to this rule. However, after three weeks of doing all the cooking with not a whisper of complaint he begins to grow weary of the task.

The next day he purposely burns the food badly, but though there are some scowls no one complains. The following evening he salts the food so heavily that it is hardly edible, but still no one complains.

Our forlorn cook is now desperate, so before the meal on the following day he takes a bucket out in the woods and fills it with moose sh_t. This he forms into patties and fries these up for dinner. Serving these to the crew he eagerly waits the reaction, and his spirit begins to fall as not a word is heard.

Finally one logger blurts out, “This tastes like moose sh_t! . . . But good moose sh_t”

So that’s all. Yes, I am a little inebriated myself or I wouldn’t be posting to this thread. One more thing—more jokes from rebarnmom.