[LazyScot]

23

Ah, 23. A number created prime, with all the promise and expectation that that brought with it. It started out well, making a name for itself as a Fortunate number. It was widely used, as in "we all live in number 23". But then, one day, in the early eighteenth century, something went wrong. No one really knows why, but many have suspected that 23 suffered from some rare and unspecified chemical reaction from quaffing slightly too many of the newly popularised coffee and chocolate drinks of the time. Whatever the cause, the net result was some kind of breakdown, and number 23 suddenly declaring itself to be "a yellow submarine"(*). This was doubly worrying to most people, as, although the colour yellow was well-known, a submarine was almost unheard of.

23's fellow primes rallied round, and tried to arrange treatment from the very best number theorists, psychologists and psychiatrists lest the illness become common knowledge, and trigger some kind of run on the Primes (the South Sea Bubble was still fresh in their minds at that point). The primes took it in turns to cover for 23, little realising how long they would need to maintain the pretense. You see, the various experts of the time were not the skilled, caring experts we know today. In fact, several were really just after self-aggrandizement. Initially they had no success at all, but thought they were on the right road, when 23 decided it was a house boat. Sadly, the relief disappeared a few hours later when 23 then announced it had moved up in the world and was now a spaceship orbiting Uranus. Having no idea what Uranus, or a spaceship was, and as most had skived off during Keppler's lessons and so had very little idea about what an orbit was, they decided to attach a large number of leeches to 23 and most headed off to the local coffee shop to argue over the term "Prime Minister" that this Whig Walpole had adopted. The leeches did bring 23 back to earth but unfortunately took it straight underwater, and it returned to being a yellow submarine, whereupon the few experts remaining threw up their hands in dispair and disgust and had it committed to Bedlam.

23 was to remain there for many years; over two centuries in fact. But during its stay it slowly recovered. By that time, all knowledge of its real identity had been forgotten, and even the Primes no longer checked up. When it pipe up and said, I'm Number 23, the staff concluded it was still unstable. Despite this, somehow, 23 retained its sense of identity by performing the most amazing feats of mental arithmetic, including raising 23 to the power of 23, and then performing an integer factorization of the result. Such mental exercises kept it going till one day the number 5 called to visit.

Released a few days later, 23 did not find the adjustment easy. Drugs and attempted brushes with celebrity stardown (it appeared in the Prince song "Gett Off"), dalliances with many odd, under-age numbers (most explosively, 15) and spectacular failed marriages to the colour PINK and a tree called Cloud, nearly returned it to the sanatorium. But somehow 23 stuggled through, and by the start of the twenty-first century it was leading a reasonably normal life-style.

A few years later on, it released its candid autobiography, "A Path More Stony", to great critical and mathematical acclaim. The tale, all reviewers agreed, was both harrowing and uplifting, and has since become mandatory reading for many mathematics and psychiatry courses. Rumour has it that Hollywood is negotiating for the film rights, with some tipping John Hurt to take on the title role.

23, a number that whilst maybe not loved, at least deserves some respect.

(*) This is believed to be the origin of the popular song "We all live in a yellow submarine."