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ChrisC333 · 05-02-2010, 09:58 PM

Hi all,

Following the sad news that the Courier and HP Slate have both gone to vapourware heaven. I’m please to announce that work has begun on what will undoubtedly be THE most sought after Hot Device of the decade.

After extensive on-line Market Research, running into many minutes, my design team has identified a massive target demographic that is currently not getting the machine it deserves.

We now fully understand that what the consumers of the 21st century are crying out for is not some dull grey thing to read Pride and Prejudice for the 47th time, because only the Wrinklies have the attention span to plough through anything with whole paragraphs in, let alone chapters (whatever they are....). What’s demanded now is a Thrusting Full Colour Action Machine for on-line arguing and short video clip consumption. The “FlameMaster” will come with pre-installed links to 10,000 pointless on-line flame wars (heavily featuring all the popular Gaming and Tech sites). Also pre-installed will be another 10,000 links to allegedly amusing Youtube hits and a comprehensive range of porn sites, thus allowing the same device to be easily rebadged as the "YukYukMaster".

The space saved by not including some dumb built in dictionary will be taken up by a database of several thousand insults, put-downs, negative comments and offensive icons - all easily available at a single press of the convenient Random Abuse Button. RABbing is set to become the new debating. In case the device ever falls into the wrong hands, two supportive comments will be included. LOL. Everybody can play Beat-on-the-Bunny if anybody is lame enough to use them.

Other top design features include building at least one deliberate fault into 5 out of every 10 machines made and providing a completely un-monitored forum for the owners to then divide into Fanboys and Haters and happily scream at each other until doomsday.

Marketing too, will be innovative and guaranteed to generate publicity. An IQ test will be administered at all point of sale outlets and anybody who passes it will be barred from buying one. However, if the refusal causes them to behave in a sufficiently offensive and juvenile manner, the ban will be immediately lifted and they will be welcomed warmly into the FlameMaster Family.

The first units are expected to be exceedingly hard to get, so pre-order deposits are now being taken. Your money will be held with maximum security until the target figure is reached, at which point I may be temporarily unavailable as the next phase is implemented. Full refunds are guaranteed to anybody with sufficient tracking skills, and a well enough equipped arsenal.

The FlameMaster Family is Your Kind of People, dude. You know it makes sense.

Order NOW to Ensure Disappointment.

Cheers,

Chris

05-02-2010, 09:58 PM	#1
ChrisC333 Groupie Posts: 194 Karma: 2031 Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: West Australia Device: Acer eM250 Netbook, iTouch, iRiver Story, HP TM2 Tablet	Hot New Device Announcement Hi all, Following the sad news that the Courier and HP Slate have both gone to vapourware heaven. I’m please to announce that work has begun on what will undoubtedly be THE most sought after Hot Device of the decade. After extensive on-line Market Research, running into many minutes, my design team has identified a massive target demographic that is currently not getting the machine it deserves. We now fully understand that what the consumers of the 21st century are crying out for is not some dull grey thing to read Pride and Prejudice for the 47th time, because only the Wrinklies have the attention span to plough through anything with whole paragraphs in, let alone chapters (whatever they are....). What’s demanded now is a Thrusting Full Colour Action Machine for on-line arguing and short video clip consumption. The “FlameMaster” will come with pre-installed links to 10,000 pointless on-line flame wars (heavily featuring all the popular Gaming and Tech sites). Also pre-installed will be another 10,000 links to allegedly amusing Youtube hits and a comprehensive range of porn sites, thus allowing the same device to be easily rebadged as the "YukYukMaster". The space saved by not including some dumb built in dictionary will be taken up by a database of several thousand insults, put-downs, negative comments and offensive icons - all easily available at a single press of the convenient Random Abuse Button. RABbing is set to become the new debating. In case the device ever falls into the wrong hands, two supportive comments will be included. LOL. Everybody can play Beat-on-the-Bunny if anybody is lame enough to use them. Other top design features include building at least one deliberate fault into 5 out of every 10 machines made and providing a completely un-monitored forum for the owners to then divide into Fanboys and Haters and happily scream at each other until doomsday. Marketing too, will be innovative and guaranteed to generate publicity. An IQ test will be administered at all point of sale outlets and anybody who passes it will be barred from buying one. However, if the refusal causes them to behave in a sufficiently offensive and juvenile manner, the ban will be immediately lifted and they will be welcomed warmly into the FlameMaster Family. The first units are expected to be exceedingly hard to get, so pre-order deposits are now being taken. Your money will be held with maximum security until the target figure is reached, at which point I may be temporarily unavailable as the next phase is implemented. Full refunds are guaranteed to anybody with sufficient tracking skills, and a well enough equipped arsenal. The FlameMaster Family is Your Kind of People, dude. You know it makes sense. Order NOW to Ensure Disappointment. Cheers, Chris