[mvisconte]

(sound of flushing and a door closing)

[mvisconte] Ha. That Snoopy... he's so funny. Alright, crew! Everybody ready to go?
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?

(Unison) "Um... Nothing!"

[mvisconte] You! Stay out of this... you're just a made up entity anyway. Dave! Report.

[Geoff] Heh... he said entity!

(slap) [kk] Pay attention, the er, captain is speaking.

[Dave] Well... we, uh, were just discussing stuff, when you were... indisposed, and we--

[deb] ... were ... discussing DINNER! Yeah, we though we could go ..

[kk] ... OUT! We could go OUT for dinner. We were thinking maybe ... chinese.

[Am] CHICKEN! Some sweet and sour chicken!

[poohbear_nc] And blood pudding!

(all) NO!

[geoff] Does this mean I have to cook tonight? The whole galley thing is all... a-kilter.

[WD[E]] A kilter? Are you a kilter? Do you have bag pipes?

[deb] And what's underneath?

[geoff] Underneath? My bagpipes? My elbow. It all in the way you hold them. Seriously... do I have to cook? Somebody said mint sauced, and all I have are these Lifesavers and whiskey.

[dave] They're called Mae Wests... because when you wear them, you look li-

[kk] that's not what he meant.

[Am] And Geoff? That's not what she meant.

[mvisconte] Who's left? Pshrynk? Come on... say it.

[Ps] Oh, all right. "And, WD(E), that's not what HE meant."

[mvisconte] Don't you feel better now?

[Geoff] I still don't understand.

[Clovis] What's going on?

[mvisconte] I smell alcohol. Ah... yes. I see... the Chicken-borg has re-booted. I think we can deal with this. Attention, everybody, can we regroup outside? Near the sign that says "Gatheration Point"

...

[mvisconte] Now... let me approach this artfully. Pardon me while I walk over ... (from a ways away) "over here'.

[dave] Is that alliteration or does he just talk funny?

[mvisconte] Dave, may I see you. Over here, please?

[dave] But I can see you from here.

[mvisconte] I want to talk to you.

[dave] Ok. I can hear you.

[mvisconte] No-no. In private. (winks)

[dave] (winks back) Ok.

[mvisconte] No, I mean, come over to this area.

[dave] If I do, are you going to laugh and run away then?

[mvisconte] They were cruel to you when you were a child, weren't they? No, just walk over here.

Good. Um, can you go to my cabin and bring me the box from the dresser. It says "Safe-T".

[dave] Ah. Good. Safety. It's always good to have... safe. T. Seriously? (wanders off)

[mvisconte] Am, can you join me, please?

[Am] Let me just randomly splash the rest of this whiskey about. Well, mainly on the chicken.

[dave] (from the distance) ARGH! MY EYES!

[Am] I DIDN'T TOUCH YOU!

[mvisconte] Pshrynk? Can you join us, please?

[Ps] Standard rates apply. And they just went up.

[mvisconte] That's fine, I'll take it out of your pay. KK? Can you come over here please? Thank you. Deb, walk this way please. Ah yes... could you walk back over there? Do you see that quarter on the ground? Good, now can yo-

[Deb] I'm going to give you such a hit, if you don't stop that.

[mvisconte] Ok. Let's see... who's left? Ah... WD(E)! My favorite. Please, "Come Boy!"

[WD(E)] I am so going to bite him.

[mvisconte] Geoff? Can we discuss the menu? Over here.
OK! ANYBODY ELSE WHO IS *NOT* THE VAMPIRE-CHICKEN-BORG, PLEASE WALK THIS WAY.

Um... Clovis, that includes you.

[Clovis] I'm lookin' at this chicken. Man, that's one big chicken! He smells like mint and whiskey!

[mvisconte] And soon, he won't. Come along... we'll go see to your brother right after.

[dave] After what? Did I miss anything?

[mvisconte] No. Matches? Good. Class, this is a demonstration why we will need alcohol to get the Flabbers casting again. Please watch the large mechanical vampirish chicken. In flames. (Throws a match)

[dave] (sotto voce) Cap, you have to light it first.

[mvisconte] The WIND blew it out. Try again (lights and throws match)

[Borg Chicken] Whoosh! (followed by a large WHOOSH as chicken bursts in to song) "We are the borg... We are the chicken... We are the ones who make a brighter day..." (and flame).

(The smell of burning circuitry and feathers filled the air and the sound of popping and sizzling. Small balls of flame start shooting forth, followed by clucking. Smaller chickens appeared from the smoldering ruins, and began scratching and pecking in the grass...)

[mvisconte] Ok. That problem has been taken care of. Now, what's next?

[Clovis] Ooo! Ooo! I know! ME! PICK ME!

[mvisconte] That was a rhetorical question. We're not really picking anyone... OK. What's your answer?

[clovis] TINY!

[mvisconte] Yeah, we got you covered. We're leaving now. Ok, LEFT HARCH! That's Army talk.

[Clovis] Do they really talk like that?

[mvisconte] Yeah, I saw it on TV.

[Clovis] What?




So we started toward town. Clovis leading the way, followed by me, Deb (my bodyguard), KK, Am, the girls being followed by a bunch of slavering, drooling morons -- er, the rest of the crew. And to tell you the truth, I wish I was right there with them. ;-) Oh, and of course, a dozen or so mechanical chickens.