[Greg Anos]

(Cut to Zelda Pinwheel) Zelda: "And now folks, it Psock it to me time!"
(Sound of people in background rapidly chanting "Psock it to me, Psock it to me, Psock it to me" over and over.)
(Suddenly Hugo and Lefty fly through the air and lightly hit Zelda on the head. Zelda reaches down and picks up Hugo and Lefty and holds them on-screen.)
Lefty: "Did we do it right?"
Hugo: "We followed the script..."
Lefty: "But it didn't have us say anything."
(Zelda smiles and give the both a hug.) "You both did fine!"

(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph back in front of the curtain.)
Pshrynk: "And now it's time for It's A Double Moderator World look at piracy."

(Cut to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'Make Adrian a Mod - Moderation is for Monks!')

(Hard Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph)
Pshrynk: "Piracy is a major problem in the e-book world. We on the Pshrynk and Ralph Comedy Hour are doing our best to help."
Ralph: "The Pirates?"
Pshrynk: "No, Ralph, the law abiding people."
(Ralph shields his eyes and peers to the horizon): "Where?"
Pshrynk: "C'mon Ralph, be serious. It's something the Moderators think about every day here on Mobile Read."
Ralph: "I thought they were trying to get Zelda's phone number, the same as I do."
(Pshrynk rolled his eyes): "Let's get an interview on the subject."

(Cut back to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'The pirate world is behind the steal curtain!')

Ralph: "Now that's my kind of interview!"
Pshrynk: "Maybe we'd better move along."

(Cut back to Zelda Pinwheel in a tasteful bikini, go-go dancing to lively music, with flowers and slogan painted on her bare skin. The scene and music stop to a close-up of a slogan 'Steve Jobs Keeps a batchelor iPad!')


(Cut to Dr. Montesmag at the conn of the submarine.)
Dr. Montesmag - "Ahh...take her down."
(Sailor at helm see female sailor walking by. He dives and trips her then pins her shoulders. The Executive Officer pats the floor for a three count while the female sailor struggles to get out from under the pin. She fails, and after the third pat, the Executive Officer stands and salutes Dr.Montesmag.)
Executive Office: "Down for the count. Captain!"
(Dr. Montesmag looks at the camera): Err...I don't think...I should say... anything about the...periscope."

(Hard cut to VR at the announcer mike) VR: "And we have a final score - 9."


(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph in Tuxes in front of the curtain.)
Pshrynk: "Well, that's all we have time for."
Ralph: "What about the joke wall?"
Pshrynk: "Steve Jordan already did that."
Ralph: "What about the Star Trek Jokes?"
Pshrynk: "Steve Jordan already did those, too."
Ralph: "Well, I like that!"
Pshrynk (winks to audience): "I thought you would."
(Ralph looks at watch) Ralph: "I'm late anyway."
Pshrynk: "For what."
Ralph: "Bippy practice."
Pshrynk: "Bippy practice? Who would you have Bippy practice with, anyway?"
Ralph: "The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders!"
Pshrynk (bemused): "You're not having Bippy practice with the Cowboy Cheerleaders."
Ralph: "I certainly am! They have some of the sweetest Bippies I've ever seen."
Pshrynk (shaking his head in bewilderment): Well, before you go..."
Ralph: "Would you like some pictures of them?"
Pshrynk (rolling eyes): "As I was saying, before you go, we're still missing something."
Ralph (gasps) : "We can't do those sort of jokes on MR."
Pshrynk: "No, it's time to go shake VR's paw."
Ralph (relieved): "That sounds like a good idea."
Pshrynk: "VR! come on out with the rest of us!."
(VR enters from behind a curtain - stage left)
Ralph: "Hey VR, gimme paw!"
(VR sticks out paw. Pshrynk and Ralph each grab an end of VR and hustle him behind the curtain - stage right. Sound of barks and a large splash. Pshrynk and Ralph saunter out from behind the curtain, grinning.)

Ralph: "Well, you know the MR censors told us to clean up our act."
Pshrynk: "Who was the poodle already in the hot tub?"
Ralph:"That was Fifi. She might need to give VR swimming lessons."
Pshrynk: "Is she a good swimmer?"
Ralph: "Is she a good swimmer! Dogs come from miles around to practice synchronized swimming with her."
Pshrynk: "Do they practice in a pool?"
Ralph: "Occasionally."
(Pshrynk shakes his head)
Pshrynk: "Time to say goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Queen Zelda in full regalia, sitting on a magnificent throne) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Adrian, the High Gibbonate) "Goodnight, Ralph"
(Cut to GeoffC, stiil wearing German helmet) "Goodnight, Ralph. Und did you see Lucy mit der football?"
(Cut to ShortandCuddlyAm) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Patricia): "Goodnight Ralph."
(Cut to BadGoodDeb, waving Ginsu cleaver in the air) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Lady Blue, still in the little old lady outfit) "Goodnight, Ralph"
(Cut to Uncle Duke in casts and traction in a hospital bed) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Cut to Computer Generated John Wayne image) "Goodnight, Ralph."
(Ralph's voice in the background) "See, I told you we'd have John Wayne!"
(Cut to montage of all the different Doctors saying in unison) "Goodnight, Ralph!"
(Cut to President Richard Nixon) "Goodnight, Dick." (turns head to hear inaudible off-stage prompt.) "Whaddy mean 'Goodnight, Ralph'? Isn't this my *&(^** next campaign speech?"
(Cut to Pshrynk and Ralph listening to loud rhythmic splashing from behind the curtain.)
Ralph: "Sound like VR is getting the hang of things!"
Pshrynk: "It certainly does! Say goodnight, Ralph."
Ralph: "Goodnight, Ralph!. And don't trip on the way out..."

(Sound of various items falling down and making loud noises, followed by a loud belch.)

Pshrynk's voice: "That's $300, please. Pay the laddie at the door."