[mvisconte]

We left our friend out in field... all farmers are outstaning in their field(s). KK and Deb were alternately taunting and threatening him. AM was sitting cross-legged, gleefully watching, with a pound of dark, a quart of rye, and a rasher of sugar-cured.

DSVick had gone inside to check the ship's condition, and set things aright where awrong. Pshrync was deep into quality testing, and, judging from the noise permeating the hull, was on a musical bender having decided somehow that he could carry a tune in a bottle. Geoff had retreated to the kitchen, muttering imprecations against meat-eaters and farmers alike, although, that doesn't leave him with much to nom on.

I asked WD(E) to "walk with me a while"... we walked just outside of the pools of light from the loading lights.

I had a favor to ask, a dangerous mission to assign, and I needed just the right man, er, dog for the job.

"WD -- I can call you WD, can't I?"

"I'd rather you stick to--"

"Good. Now, as I was saying, WD, I have a mission. An important mission. A mission that only you can be trusted with."

"Why?"

"Well, we, uh, humans, we need sleep."

"As do dogs."

"I know, but you guys are like -- SUPER HUMAN! You guys have better hearing that we humans do. Better smell! Even smelling the way you do, you have a better sense of smell..."

"Yes, this begins to smell even as you speak..."

"See? You're already on it! Anyway, you're faster -- you've got four legs, you've got better eyesight --"

"Well, yes, but just in black and white."

"Even better, no colors to distract you. AND-- you can see in the DARK! That's like... magic, dude! It's like you're born with infrared 3-D super sonic olfactory detection powers! It's true!"

"I am not sure that's all cor-"

"Don't be modest. It's YOU dude! This part, er, mission was made with you in mind!"

"I just mean, well, for instance, the part about seeing in the dark... I think you want an owl or maybe a cat for som--"

"I can't believe it! You'd rather give this cherry position to a CAT!? I'm... I'm SPEACHLESS!"

(sotto voce) "I'd say you're doing alright."

"I mean, where would I even FIND a cat at this time. You know I don't like cats! They're... un-trust-worthy! Even if I could find one, it would be a COUNTRY CAT, not one of US. Maybe even HIS cat -- immediately un-trustworthy! Two-faced feline with destruction in her heart, for sure... do you think, for a second, that a cat would show the same loyalty as a dog? ANY dog? Do you think that a cat would have the same experience that a dog would? Dogs were MADE for guarding things! You know, the old "man's best friend" thing."

"Well, lately, mankind has given us reason to dou-"

"And dedication! Or attention! You know, the first bug that flies by, that cat would be all over it... forget about forgetting about guarding a prisoner, they'd be too busy watching AIR around them. And then, if it got TEDIOUS or anything, the cat would just leave, and we'd wake up with our throats cut and find the cat sleeping in the sun! Is THAT any way to run an investigation?"

"You didn't say anything about guar--"

"But that's ok. If you want, I'll see what I can do. I'm sure there's some kitten -- wet behind the ears kitten -- around here who'd be reasonably loyal for some milk and tuna. I know *I'D* be loyal for some tuna... and milk. -- but anyway- I'll find some stranger kitten, she'll probably have faster reflexes anyway. And, even tho' she's just a kitten, she'll have that invincible bravery that comes with youth and inexperience. You just go on to bed and sleep for a while... if we're all still here in the morning, then we'll set up a regular guard duty. And if we're not, we'll just deal with it. I will sure miss you, ol' boy! Listen, if I happen to be dead in the morning, could you go through my things? I've got a letter to send to my sainted mother, if anything should happen to me, ok?"

"Well, I've already gone through yo-- NOW WAIT A MINUTE! Nothing's going to happen, it'll be alright, an--"

"I guess you're right. I'll find some weak little kitten that we can't depend upon, but who has better night vision, and that killer instinct -- cat-and-mouse, mind games, that kind of stuff. Don't feel bad about being too old or too slow or hard of hearing... don't let you're inability of focus on anything for longer than tw--- hey! Look! Geese! I mean, don't think about letting us down, your crew-mates, or failing us in our time of need. Don't worry abo--"

"ALRIGHT ALREADY! I'll DO IT! Sheesh. Where are you gonna get a cat, this time of night!? I don't know what's wrong with you! Thinking that some stupid cat would be able to see better than I, in the dark! I'm a natural for this job, and you know it! Guarding a prisoner. My word! You'd put all of our hides at risk by hiring a CAT!? I don't know what you'd do without me, really! I have to watch over you every second... you'd have some stranger in amongst our weapons systems -- for all we know, those manuals are written in Catatonia or one of the feline languages... it would be like giving a robber the keys to the castle! No, I won't hear another word of it. I'm taking first watch, and someone can spell me in the morning! That's all there is. APP! No more. I'll watch our prisoner. You just march him over, and I'll keep an eye on-- no, BOTH eyes... I'll sleep with both eyes open, keeping one eye on him and one on the rest of camp. That's just how it will be! I--"


I left him there, muttering to himself about how stupid it would be to get an outsider to watch over our health. I walked back to the ship, to tell our prisoner the good news.



"WAIT," he called out to me, "Did you say I'd get a soliloquy TONIGHT!?"

"Or a monologue. Whichever. Just do it quietly enough that I can sleep!" I love psychology.