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ASparrow · 04-01-2010, 09:21 PM

The ABNA Expert Reviews are out. It seems I didn't advance because one of my reviewers was simply too literate (more literate than me). He/she is absolutely right about my imprecise use of "turgid" and "detritus," though I didn't understand what was so funny about the bus scene.

I don't intend to be so stuffy. I just like variety in wording, and sometimes I want a 'truck' to be more than a truck.

See below:

ABNA Expert Reviewer #1

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

One of the strongest aspects of this work was also one of the weakest: an attempt at a very erudite use of words.

What aspect needs the most work?

While a large vocabulary will stand you in good stead in some circles; using it in a genre novel may not be too wise - especially if you misuse the "big" words. Always check a dictionary (try the actual meanings of detritus and turgid first).

Ultra literary style in a fantasy novel may be an interesting approach, but such lines as "The bus driver was in a real pickle. Queues returning from Saturday market blocked an easy escape to the shoulder. As the angular carapace of the tanker bore down...." are just way over the top. I didn't sense that this was meant to be a comedy.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I love literary fiction. I don't love pretentious attempts to write it. To paraphrase Freud - sometimes a truck is just a truck.

Whatever story is there has remained hidden throughout the excerpt in language about as penetrable as the Belizean jungle. I am assuming, of course, that you expect people to read this and recommend it to others.

Match the language to the story, the setting and the characters. Consider your audience. Do a significant rewrite and I just might order a copy.

ABNA Expert Reviewer #2

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

This is a very intriguing excerpt. I thought it was well written and it definitely kept my attention. The descriptions of Frank and Liz's arrival in Belize was particularly interesting.

What aspect needs the most work?

I noticed that this excerpt was listed in the genre of "Fantasy." Based on what I have read here, I am not sure why that is. There is nothing in this excerpt that would have me believe the story is a fantasy at all. Perhaps more could have been written that would indicate that.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

I thought this was a particularly strong excerpt. The author seems to be a pro and setting the stage for an interesting story. The excerpt as presented kept my attention the whole time I was reading it. A very good submission.

04-01-2010, 09:21 PM	#1
ASparrow Addict Posts: 355 Karma: 600000 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Boston Device: Palm TX	ABNA Expert Reviews The ABNA Expert Reviews are out. It seems I didn't advance because one of my reviewers was simply too literate (more literate than me). He/she is absolutely right about my imprecise use of "turgid" and "detritus," though I didn't understand what was so funny about the bus scene. I don't intend to be so stuffy. I just like variety in wording, and sometimes I want a 'truck' to be more than a truck. See below: ABNA Expert Reviewer #1 What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? One of the strongest aspects of this work was also one of the weakest: an attempt at a very erudite use of words. What aspect needs the most work? While a large vocabulary will stand you in good stead in some circles; using it in a genre novel may not be too wise - especially if you misuse the "big" words. Always check a dictionary (try the actual meanings of detritus and turgid first). Ultra literary style in a fantasy novel may be an interesting approach, but such lines as "The bus driver was in a real pickle. Queues returning from Saturday market blocked an easy escape to the shoulder. As the angular carapace of the tanker bore down...." are just way over the top. I didn't sense that this was meant to be a comedy. What is your overall opinion of this excerpt? I love literary fiction. I don't love pretentious attempts to write it. To paraphrase Freud - sometimes a truck is just a truck. Whatever story is there has remained hidden throughout the excerpt in language about as penetrable as the Belizean jungle. I am assuming, of course, that you expect people to read this and recommend it to others. Match the language to the story, the setting and the characters. Consider your audience. Do a significant rewrite and I just might order a copy. ABNA Expert Reviewer #2 What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt? This is a very intriguing excerpt. I thought it was well written and it definitely kept my attention. The descriptions of Frank and Liz's arrival in Belize was particularly interesting. What aspect needs the most work? I noticed that this excerpt was listed in the genre of "Fantasy." Based on what I have read here, I am not sure why that is. There is nothing in this excerpt that would have me believe the story is a fantasy at all. Perhaps more could have been written that would indicate that. What is your overall opinion of this excerpt? I thought this was a particularly strong excerpt. The author seems to be a pro and setting the stage for an interesting story. The excerpt as presented kept my attention the whole time I was reading it. A very good submission.