I read the great white shark's critique with great interest. My review of Xenolith was quoted at the end and I was relieved it wasn't critiqued, too.
ASparrow, it was painful for you to have some of your work taken to pieces and rebuilt, but please focus on this...
The shark said "You’ve got the vision. All you lack are tricks of the trade." I agree: read, write, practice, accept criticism, be prepared to incorporate changes and review your work over and over.
You have what it takes. Despite some awkwardness in style, Xenolith was a wonderful read and I'm eagerly awaiting the sequel.