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If you're thinking about erotica for women, I think that some publishers like Elloras's Cave, Changeling Press or Extaxy Books can give you a good hint. And no, erotica is not porn, and if you don't like it, don't buy it, but leave people alone.
About romance... for me Romantic/Suspense (Mariah Stewart), Romantic Paranormal (Nalini Singh, Shelly Laureston, Cynthia Eden).
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