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I admit it was a difficult thing to get over. I started computing back in the CP/M and 8" floppy days so I'm not just a fluffy PC dilettante.
Smart phones are not replacements for laptops (yet). Think about what they are used for and you can see why directory access is superfluous. YOU may indeed desire it. I'll grant you that. But I see no logical reason why it is necessary. You mention backup. iTunes has a backup function, without needing to see the directory, if you allow it. And I mentioned some critical apps that have separate backup capability.
If the whole copy/paste files thing is critical to you on an iPhone, let me reiterate my suggestion of a number of apps that do that. I don't see the need to take a book back off Stanza, given that we don't use our phones for library puposes (yet). Really? You don't use your PC for your e-reading library? Then you're doing it the hard way, since no smartphone is wonderful for that.
If you are anti-iTunes or just have the need, there are a host of 3rd party applications that let you use an iPod just as you would any other PMP or USB drive. I used free Ephpod to copy my entire iPod's music contents back to a hard drive after my PC crashed some years ago. That program could bypass iTunes entirely.
These complaints are a bit of smoke-and-mirrors for not liking Apple or being afraid of Steve Jobs' reality distortion zone (yeah, I know it exists). There are a small number of objective reasons to prefer some specific competitor's phone, e.g. physical keyboard, BT keyboard, directory access, GPS application, camera quality, cellular network, battery life, removable memory card, and such. But again, there is a reason the iPhone, since the 3G model, is taking the Western smartphone world by storm. It isn't just hype.
I see plenty of Droid users jumping through OS hoops to make the phone do what they want. Go ahead, put an Android application on your removable memory card. Oh wait, you can't. Not without a little hacking. How is that different than jailbreaking? "Advantage nobody" on the topic of an open OS, at least so far.
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