Heh, since we're straying over the line into colloquialisms, here's my 'official' collection:
- All over him like a June-bug on a duck.
- It's hotter'n a hoar-house on nickel night.
- I'm gonna beat you like a red-headed step-child.
- It's rainin' like a cow p!$$!n' on a flat rock.
- Now you're pickin' fly-$#!^ from pepper.
- Deader'n dirt.
- That'll wake you up like a dog tongue in your ear.
- Slicker than snot on teflon.
- Shiny as a silver dollar.
- Drop off like a lead sinker.
- It's an "ideal" situation -- that's the situation and I gotta deal.
- They're just standin' around with their teeth in their mouth.
- As useless as teats on a rain-barrel.
- Off like a jug handle.
- About as graceful/balanced as a three-legged dog at a fire hydrant.
- Rough as a cobb.
- Runs like a scalded dog.
- Dead as a beaver hat.
- Busier than a one legged man in a butt-kicking contest. (that's the version I've heard
)
- Tough as a boot.
- Tight as the skin on a pig's belly.
- As poor as Job's turkey.
- Ugly as a mud fence.
- Thirsty as a hound-chased fox.
- Grinning like a donkey with a mouth full of bumblebees.
- You've got a face long enough to eat corn from a coke bottle. (to a person who'd looking sad)
- Faster than grass through a goose.
- He's got plenty of postage, but he's missing the zip code.
- He can charm the gold out of your back teeth.
- Gonna stomp on you like a bull with a bee up his butt.
- Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit.
- That didn't last as long as it took the water to get hot.
- Whipped him like a rented mule.
- Not enough (brains, talent, gumption, whatever) to wad a shotgun.
- Don't sell the skin till the bear's dead. (thanks to yvanleterrible for this one!)