[mogui]

* I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
* There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".
* Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
* I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
* All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
* Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.
* Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
* I'm busier than a one-legged Riverdancer.
* I was happier than a kitten with a Q-tip.
* Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
* Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
* Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
* If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh.
* Time is just nature's way to keep everything from happening at once.
* Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
* Somebody who knows how will always have a job. Working for someone who knows why.
* If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
* I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
* Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
* If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
* Some people have a way with words, others not have way.
* Drink your coffee; there are people in India sleeping.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
* Geez if you believe in honkus.
* If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.