[mvisconte]

An old jewish salesman walks up to a young man sitting on a bench near a park. The old man asks the young man, "hey, have you got a radio?"

Young man answers, "No radio, soap!"

Old man sez, "No soap, radio! Have you got a radio?"

Young man says "For what do I want, a radio?"

Old man sez, "Why, you should listen! You can't listen to the radio if you don't have a radio! I happen to have a nice radio. A very nice radio. See? Nice wood finish. You can't get that kind of wood these days... all plastic these days. See? Nice finish."

Young man says "I don't listen to no radio. I don't need no radio."

Old man sez "Hoy! When I was your age, that's all we DID was listen to the radio. I was RAISED by the radio. You! YOU should GET radio. You know, a radio will change your life."

Young man, "What? What do you mean, a radio will change my life?"

Old man: "Well, look at you here... sitting. In the park. You're alone. You know WHY you're alone?"

Young man: "Why?"

Old man: "No radio! See, if you had a radio, you could listen to it."

Young man: "What, I could listen to it by myself? Why, when I just want to sit here in quite, would I listen to a radio by myself?"

Old man: "But you see! If you had a radio, you have somebody pass by, and they'd hear the radio, and they'd stop for a minute. You'd both listen for a minute."

Young man: "A MINUTE!? I should buy a radio, for a MINUTE? What good does a MINUTE do me?"

Old man: "Well, you listen for a minute, and the passer listens for a minute, and you look at each other. You look at him, and you purse your lower lip, and you nod. Like this..."

Young man: "So, I nod. I don't know why, but I nod. So what?"

Old Man: "So, this man listens, and he sees you look at him, and he sees you nod. You're both listening. He sees you look at him, and nod, and HE nods. He can't help it. Human nature."

Young man: "He nods."

Old man: "Yes."

Young man: "?" (It's more a look than something he said")

Old man looks to the sky and rolls his eyes: "Yes. Now you both have something in common. He sees you, and he nods, and you're friends. Human nature. He can't help it, and now you and he have just nodded."

Young man: "And?"

Old man: "And then you listen some more, you nod a little -- just a little, like you're keeping up with the radio. He'll have to nod along with you. You both are nodding. And then, he'll say something."

Young man: "What'll he say?"

Old man: "WHAT DO I KNOW What he'll say!? You think I'm a fortune teller? The important thing is, you'll talk a little. Then, he'll ask you home for dinner."

Young man: "What? Why will he ask me home for dinner?"

Old man: "He KNOWS you now. He's listened, you've nodded. You're friends. So, he'll invite you for dinner. You're a young man. If he's older, he'll have a wife that will cook, and she'll have made dinner, and when he brings you home, she'll have to fix something special, quick, because she won't know who you are. You could be someone special, and she can't take a chance. So, because you have a radio, you get a good meal."

"So," says the young man, "What if he's not older?"

The old man smiles and winks "If he's younger, you are doing fine! When he takes you home, he'll have a sister, and SHE'll have to cook -- to impress you, just in case."

"What if she can't cook? WHAT IF SHE's UGLY!?" asks the young man.

"Well, you can always steal his girl, you know he'll have picked a good one." says the old man.

The young man thinks for a second then says, "I don't want it, it would ruin my life."

The old man says "RUIN your LIFE? Don't tell ME about life... What do you mean, ruin your life?"

Young man: "If I steal his girl, he'll no longer be my friend, and I have lost even before I've gained.
If I marry his girlfriend, she'll always wonder if she made a mistake. If I don't make as much as he does, she'll never let me hear the end of it -- I'll never get a moments rest. I'll have to work twice as hard, get up early Sundays, work late. I'll grow old faster, and she'll still be young. I'll die of a heart attack, she'll have my business, and it'll all be because of a radio. "
"If his sister is ugly, she'll be a good cook, but his mother will be very pushy, and we'll have to get married very soon, and I haven't even got a job. I'll have to take the first thing I get. I'll have to get TWO jobs. I won't want to have sex because she's ugly. I'll put on weight from the good cooking, and I'll have apoplexy and die.
"If his sister is good looking, then she'll have suitors, and we'll all have to compete. In order to win her hand, I'll have to show I'm a good earner. If I'm a good earner, then her mother will brag, and she'll want children. If we have children, I'll have to work harder, to get a larger house. When we're older, and the children are grown, then the mother-in-law will want to move in, and then she'll see how I really am, and she'll be pushy and carp all the time. I'll be totally miserable!"
"If the man is older, his wife will cook a good meal, and I'll eat and after, she'll start in with the questions. 'Who are your people? Where are they? What do you do? How long have you been there? Are you married? Do you have a girl friend? I know a girl, fine girl... nice personality, good cook...' I'll either have to get married, or make up a girl friend or they'll think I'm a fagala... I can't see this working out."

The old man thinks for a second and says "do you want to come home for some dinner?"



"Wait a minute!" says the young man, "This wasn't how this joke started!"

"Oy vey!" sez the old man. He sighs and says "OK, listen, I've got this wonderful radio. You should listen --Radio Israel, 1100 on the radio dial."

The young man looks pensive. "But what if I don't LIKE Radio Israel, 1100 on the radio dial?"

The old man looks left and right and lowers his voice, "Ok, for YOU, 1050. You can HAVE it for all I care."