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Parrot.
That's what's needed.
A parrot. A Pacificist Parrot. A Pacifist Parrot that has a degree and doctorate in Philosophy, Politics and Economics (PPE) from Oxford. And it should be the puppet-master for the British Prime Minister. It also needs some character quirks. Say it should be scared of, oh, maybe seals and a tea-cosy. And it should be far too fond of a tipple of port (preferably tawny). And her name should be something like Montbretia Quincux the Sixth (known to her friends as Croc, and her enemies as Trouble).
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