[Greg Anos]

This is in big font for DixieGal...


The sun was goin' down on another great

day. Bubba and I were trollin' back form a

nice fishin' hotspot, cheerfully arguing

about our catch.

"I've got more than you, Bubba!"

"Yeah, but you shouldn't count the

alligator."

"He bit on the line, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but he's not a fish."

"Well, you're countin' a

good-for-nothin' needlenose, aren't

you?"

"Yeah, but an alligator gar is a

fish, not a reptile."

"They're both named alligator,

aren't they, and they both bit on

the line, didn't they?"

"Gars aren't endangered species."

"Alligators aren't either, any more,

they're down to threatened. And this

lake's full of them."

And so on.

We were fishin' down in my neck

of the woods, down at Choke Canyon

Reservoir, known for it's fishin' and

alligators. Back when they sank the

ranch, all the old timers told the fish

and game people that they needed to

clear out the alligators, but those

dumb bureaucrats laughed and said

there weren't any in South Texas.

You'd think they'd consider the word

of families who'd been there a hundred

years, but noooo, they just built the

lake anyway. So with all the extra

water and coves and fish and such,

the local alligators started breedin'

like crazy. Now everywhere there

are "Watch Out For Alligators" signs

everywhere, and the Fish and Game

people say "We didn't know there

were alligators around there." Typical

bureaucrats.

Anyways, the alligators add extra

spice to fishin' down there, and give

you somethin' to throw rocks at when

the fishin' slow.

We were puttering up to the dock

when I spotted a pair of Hoover dolls.

Suit and ties sorta stand out on a

boat ramp.

"Bubba, we've got a problem. Look

at the Hoover dolls on the boat ramp.

You want me to beach the boat nearby

so's you can sneak around to the car?

I don't want you to get dragged into

somethin' inhospitable."

"Naw, Red. I'm too lazy to slide through

the brush around here. Besides, it'd

scratch up my jacket. Let's go see what

they want."

"I wonder how they found us? You told

Patricia that you were going fishin with

me and that you could only be reached

through Mindy. I left Mindy only my

cellphone number to be reached at, and I

told here if I didn't like who she

forwarded, she wouldn't get her next trip

to Hawaii. She didn't know where we

were goin'."

"Well, Red, I figure we're going to

find out in about five minutes."

"Next time we go fishin', I'm gonna

wear a Tricky Dick mask, so that they

won't recognise me."

Bubba laughed. "Won't do any good.

They'll just set up a Pearl keg and a

"Free Beer" sign, and they'll catch you,

quick as quick."

"Sneaky devils. It'd work, too."

So we tied off the boat next to

the ramp and climbed out. The

Hoover suits were wandering our

way.




"Mr. Edwards?"

"Naw, I'm the Pearl beer salesman."

He looked at his photo of me and

back again. "You're not being very

co-operative, Mr. Edwards."

"I only co-operate with highly ranked

dead members of government. Like Grant

and Franklin and McKinley. I work real

well with McKinley. I'll even bow and

scape to Salmon P. Chase. Right now

I've got fish to deal with."

"I'm certain that what I have to say

is more important than your fish."

"I'm not."

"Please, Mr. Edwards. The FBI has gone

to great effort to track you down. You've

been very difficult to find."

"Obviously not difficult enough. I went

to great effort to to avoid bein'

interrupted fishin'." I looked at Bubba,

"Bubba, next time we go surf fishing on

some tropical island. That way the

FBI'll have to sent out pretty girls in

bikinis to fetch us."

The Hoover doll colored up real nice

at that one. "Mr. Edwards, if you please,

we have a crisis and we need your

assistance."

"I don't have anything to do with twistin'

Senator's arms. And if the Prez is trying

to order my services, he knows how much

I cost - and when to start payin' me. If I

decide the do the job. Which I probably

won't. You boys have enough

back-stabbers and arm-twisters without

me."

"Please let me tell you why we're here."

"Might as well, Red, he isn't going to

let you alone until he does." Bubba said.

I sighed. "OK, what's the skinny."

"Mr. Edwards, we have a major

barricaded-with-hostages situation."

"So what does that have to do with me?

I'm just a greedy PI with bad taste."

"They have raided a secret meeting of

various ambassadors to the US. They

have 12 ambassador as hostage, as well

as a special delegate from the Pope."

"I guess they have somebody to

give themselves last rights. Sounds

like a Foggy Bottom problem to me."

"They also have the Viceroy to Pinwheel."

"The last time I met up with the Viceroy

from Pinwheel, he pee'd on my shoe. Next

arm-twisting."

That stumped him for a moment. He

must have not known Viceroy was a

talking dog. "They won't talk to any

representative of the US Government,

but your name seemed to pass muster.

They're willing to use you as a negotiator. "

"Who are these misguided blokes?"

"They call themselves The Drowning

Baptists."

"Well, no wonder they won't talk with

the US government, after that hoo-rah

at Wacko."

"The assault was under legal orders."

The Hoover doll said defensively.

"That's what the German boys said in

'46. Didn't do them any good. Anything

else I need to know before I say No."

"They have heavily mined the building

where they are holed up."

"Where's that?"

"The Pearl Brewery, in San Antonio."