Quote:
Originally Posted by doreenjoy
Q: How can you tell when a musician is really stupid?
A: When the other musicians notice.
|
My grandson, who's in the 5th grade, began studying viola this week at his school. Searching the web for viola info, I came across the following viola joke site at
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/viola.html.
A few favorites:
How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
- Neither one strikes in the same place twice.
<><><>
How do you keep your violin from getting stolen?
- Put it in a viola case.
<><><>
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
- The viola burns longer.
<><><>
What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?
- The coffin has the dead person on the inside.
<><><>
What's the definition of a minor second?
- Two violists playing in unison.
<><><>
How was the canon invented?
- Two violists were trying to play the same passage together.
<><><>
Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?
- Because even when you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do about it.
<><><>
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
- Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
<><><>
If you're lost in the desert, what do you aim for? A good viola player, a bad viola player or an oasis?
- The bad viola player. The other two are only figments of your imagination.
<><><>
Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording?
- Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated.
<><><>
Did you hear about the violist who bragged that he could play 32nd notes?
The rest of the orchestra didn't believe him, so he proved it by playing one.
<><><>
What's the similarity between the Beatles and the viola section of the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra?
- Neither has played together since 1970.
<><><>
How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola?
- Divide the metronome marking by 2.
<><><>
A viola player went to a piano recital. After the performance he went up to the pianist and said, "You know, I particularly liked that piece you played last--the one that started with a long trill."
The pianist said, "Huh? I didn't play any pieces that started with trills."
The viola player said, "You know--[he hums the opening bars of Für Elise.]"
<><><>
A musician from the Chicago Symphony one day ran across an old lamp at a garage sale, took it home, washed it up, and out popped at genie.
"Thank you kind sir for releasing me from this old lamp. I regret to say that you have encountered a poor, less powerful genie, and I can only grant you one wish, but wish away." said the genie.
"Oh that's wonderful. I think I would really like to make a difference in the world with my one wish," said the musician. He thought for a moment and then reached for his atlas. "Here's a map of the Middle East. The people who live there have been fighting for years and years. For my one wish, I would like to bring peace to this land."
The genie, a little caught off guard, said "Oh, well, ah... that's a little bit too much for even this old master to handle. Aah, ya see, these people... they're involved in that touchy religious stuff, and aah, the kids, aah, they begin fighting when they're just teenagers. I'm afraid you're going to have to make another wish."
"Well, okay." said the musician. "For my one wish, I would just once like to hear the Chicago Symphony viola section play in tune."
The genie quickly thought for a moment and replied, "Um, let me take a look at those maps again."
<><><>
A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of violists. They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one violist every hour.
------
(I told one of these jokes to my grandson, and he had a hurt look on his face. I don't think I'll share any of the others.)
DISCLAIMER: I
love viola music. And if anyone feels the need to retaliate for my posting of these jokes, well -- I play piano and ukulele.