Quote:
Originally Posted by GraceKrispy
That's my vent. Anyone has any reasonable suggestions, please let me know. Btw, just further information-- she is very bright and manipulative, can be very charming and loving (I do so love her! reall, I do...) she is assertive and has all these qualities that will make her one excellent woman to reckon with some day. But she is totally resistant to any sort of conditioning! Praise her, spank her, cuddle her, yell at her, it's all the same. she does what she likes. seriously, none of it makes any difference. Daddy can spank her and she does the same thing 5min later, if it's what she wanted to do. I should have known, when I found her on the countertop digging in the cupboards for food at 8mo. She gets what she wants. she's probably the only kid who could have survived just fine in the jungle as a toddler. *sigh*.
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I know how difficult it can be at times and how easy it is to snap at your children - I do it more often than I like and I feel guilty about it - I just don't seem to stop!
I know that the ages are completely different, but this might help -
When we first removed the bars from our eldests cot/bed, she quickly realised that she could get out of bed on her own. Not liking going to bed, she did this quite a lot. Fortunately we did have an early warning system in place - we would leave the top stair gate unlocked with the locking bar up. For some reason Leona loved to lock the gate. As soon as we heard the click we would know she was out of bed. (except for the one time she didn't lock it and I found her asleep at the top of the stairs).
There were 3 stages to our method.
Stage One - First Offence
Pick child up and nicely tell them that they should be in bed as it is bedtime and put back in bed
Stage Two - Second Offence
Pick up child - say "Bed" (not angrily, always need to stay calm) and put child back in bed
Stage Three - Third and subsequent offences
Pick up child and put back to bed. DO NOT TALK OR RESPOND TO CHILD
I think that stage 3 was the most important. A lot of the reason the child is getting out of bed is for attention. If you don't give them the attention then they quickly become bored and do as you want.
By doing this, we quickly had our daughter into a great routine - she eventually gave up getting out of bed and went to sleep when we put her to bed.
The most important thing about this is that you must never give up or the child will know they can beat you.
You must alwys remain calm or it will show that you are weakening
You must be persistent - doing things differently will break the routine and work against you
I have known parents who do give up because they get too frustrated and all they work towards is lost!
Also, think about how you would react - would you be more likey to respond positively to somebody who is nicely asking you to do something or somebody who is screaming and shouting?
I would like to point out that this isn't my idea - I used to watch Supernanny a lot - and her methods really do seem to work - if you stick at it consistently!
EDIT: Just one other thing having reread your post. I was spanked as a child and it never did me any harm. I was all for spanking my children but the wife was dead against it, so we never have. I also never would - now I am against it.
Spanking a child for being naughty teaches them the wrong lesson - it means they think it is okay to hit people who are doing something wrong or that they don't like. I am not saying that this is what will happen, just what could happen.
Instead of spanking, try things like the Naughty Step (or corner or chair or wherever).
Again, with punishment, be persitent and consistent. If she does the same thing 5 minutes later, punish her again - just not by spanking - from experience, it is also easy to condition yourself against it. I would be spanked, put on the tears and then happilly have forgotten about it the second my parents left - it stopped bothering me!