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How about we just say it’s a lonely, angry troll that is looking for a girlfriend as well as spoiling for a fight? We can add that it also lives under a bridge in Australia where it is unhappy with the government, but of course, does not represent all the people of this fine country/continent. For some reason, it also likes rocks - I don’t know, maybe it eats them. In its hunger for both a date and conflict, it takes the appearance of a gonk (I have no idea what that is, I’m just trying to be inclusive here) as it stalks its prey hoping to avoid the dreaded GRUE.
Oh, and I found the mailbox, it was West of the House.
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