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"It's day three of the siege out here... the hostage-takers have been held up inside the embassy for a total of seventy-five hours now, and so far their only demands have been for a gallon of warm milk and some kind of jug to hold it in...
...News teams and police officers have both been camped outside round the clock, and I don't have to tell you that the glare from sirens and camera-flashes is blinding. If you'll look to my left, you should just be able to see a spokesman for the Nestle corporation chatting to the police negotiators. The spokesman was quoted earlier as saying:
'Nestle would love to help you out, we really would, but we're just so damn evil. Tell you what, we'll send someone down there to have a chat with the kidnappers, just to show willing.'
Reports from inside the building are sketchy, but we believe that both the Belgian and Swiss ambassadors are attempting to bargain for some kind of truce. Meanwhile, the French ambassador has unilaterally surrendered himself and all dairy products contained therein, while both American and German delegates have secretly contacted their governments to request a tactical confectionery response. The British Ambassador was killed early on- beaten to death with his own stiff upper lip- to show that the hostage-takers were serious. Not much is known about the hostage-takers themselves, except for the fact that they are members of a radical Pro-Double Chocolate group who organized themselves somewhere on the internet.
As the crises continues, one thing is clear. This terrible, terrible tragedy is threatening to make a mockery of the hallowed institution that is the Annual International Chocolate Chip Cookie Symposium. With every chocolate chip cookie in the world on the line here, I think we'd all forgive the police for forgoing the normal diplomacy and heading straight for brute force.
This is Dan Rathers with the six O'clock news, wishing you good night and good biscuits."
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